Why do I hate being a Step Mom
Hi all.....My SD isn't that bad, but I just don't click with her. I have 2 kids (8 & 16) of my own who I just adore. My SD is 6. I can't put my finger on why I don't click with her, we just don't. I find her annoying and totally different to my kids. I use to think that maybe it's because she looks exactly like her mum (my BF's ex) and acts exactly like her therefore it was like spending the weekend with my BF's ex. But I'm not so sure. The kid is just boring, annoying, time consuming, whiny and has a voice that is like listening to someone run their nails down a blackboard. I feel totally terrible that I feel like this. Whenever she comes over I try and find something to do so I don't have to be around. I really hate being a step mom, I hate the responsibility, even the title. Is it normal? I fell in love with my BF and feel guilty that I don't love his daughter. Am I a bad person?
no, you're not a bad person.
no, you're not a bad person. it would be worth it to try to make a connection of some sort with your sd, though. you could try doing stuff with just her and yourself, get to know each other more. maybe you'll find you two have something in common? lol, you should read my blog where i try to explain to myself through science why i feel the way i do sometimes. this stuff isn't easy.
Nope, you're not a bad
Nope, you're not a bad person. There are people in this world we just don't like. Trying to figure out why you don't like her might be helpful, though. She can't help that she looks like her mom. Hopefully, as she gets older, her personality will evolve and you'll find common ground with her. I agree with ell, try and find something you have in common with her and spend time with her. I just posted on somebody else's post that maybe they should make a "date" time where they go out for ice cream or to a movie, just the two of them. She might be different when you have one on one time with her. She may sense you don't like her, which will only make things worse. She's going to be around, so you have two choices...figure out a way to change how you feel or be miserable whenever she's around. I hope you can work this out!
thanks for all the
thanks for all the advice....I will make some time with her one on one and see how that pans out. Really appreciate it!
IMO, your relationship with
IMO, your relationship with your SD will take time. She didn't choose you and you didn't choose her. Knowing that neither of you is going anywhere makes the pressure to click even greater. Give yourself a break!! There will be a time when it feels better and it will feel right.
I wish the times that things "felt right" with my SD17 would stay. When those times are good, they are really, really good. Most of the time, they are not. Since you have your own kids who are older, you know how much changing your SD will do. Hope the time you find with her will be a wonderful thing!
^^^ this ^^^ It really does
^^^ this ^^^
It really does take a long time, and if you try to force it, you'll most likely make things worse. You need to let her "fall in love" with you naturally over time, and only then can you start playing the "parent" role. Before that, it maybe be best to play a "DH's best friend" type role.
Of course that does mean DH will have to deal with all the discipline etc, but that also opens up the opportunity for you to be her in-house female confident. Use these "girly" chats as a chance to bond, and in particular, share your appreciation of her father and how he's the best dad in the world etc.
I'm not suggesting you become SD's "friend" as such.. there will still be plenty of times when you have to correct her or say "no", but if you get the dynamic right, and always rationally justify every "no", you will begin to win her trust, then respect, then eventually, love. And she may well win yours too.
I feel the same about my 2
I feel the same about my 2 skids!!!!!! I struggle with feeling like that makes me a bad person so I Googled it a while back and came across this site http://www.salon.com/2010/06/29/stepchildren_toleration_love_open2010/ it helps me when I'm struggling to remember I don't have to love them and still not be a bad person. Hope it helps you
No, you arent a bad person.
No, you arent a bad person. I personally dont mind that he has a child with someone else. My problem is the child is spoiled beyond words. Its crazy but the kid never gets punished, gets anything she wants and if shes unhappy my BF walks all over me like its my fought. The mother told her one day that the only reason she married her father was because she was pregnant which is the truth but she had no right telling the 4 year old that. But, it caused such a upset here because she repeated it and its like everything that happens makes our home unhappy. I dont resent her but i do dread when shes here. She just left today and i feel so excited that she wont be back until sunday. Its horrible but its too crazy for me.
No, you are not bad at all.
No, you are not bad at all. However, if you do not resolve how to at least not detest your Skid's presence the chances of a positive outcome regarding the relationship with her dad are slim to none.
I recommend firm yet positive engagement. Confront and address the whiny and boring behaviors and work with the Skid on them. Do not tolerate the whining. Engage the kid in activities when her boring condition is irritating you. Don't give her a choice. Force it. Eventually your feeling will moderate and her behavior will too. She may never be someone you enjoy but she will at least be someone you can tolerate.
At least that is how I would deal with her.