What is fair between full time and step children??
My 10 year old daughter is with my partner and I full time, while his 8 year old daughter is with us every second weekend (4 nights). My d's father lives interstate. This seems petty but the argument leads to much bigger issues.
Last week my sd insisted that my d give her half of the Ooshies (qty 6) she collected on sd's off weekend. In the same sentence she told us she had 19 at her mums house. I had also given them the 16 that I got from shopping and told them to share evenly. sd got all upset and started to cry insisting that she should have the same as d so d had to give her more. She told me that what she has at her mums does not matter, but here all should be the same. I agree to that mentalilty BUT my d does not have that luxury as she does not regularly go to another home. I tried to explain that they share everything when sd is here, but when sd is at her mums house d is with her mum here because she can't see her dad. And that she should not need to share the things I give her when sd is not here. I tried to explain that if d saw her dad like sd sees both her parents then that would be fair but d can't, she only has one home not two. Also explained that when she goes home, her mum would have more for her for this week and then again more next week, which she did not need to share, but she is expecting d to share everything with her. I did tell her that she needed to not think about herself but to think of others and their situations, which was probably overstepping but sd can be selfish and does only think about her wants not others all the time (when sd is with her mum she gets whatever she wants and does not have responsibilities. i.e. has only started making her bed this year at her mums and both girls here have been doing it (not well mind you) since they are 5).
My partner is furious with me and believes that in this house all is shared so girls should have the same of everything - therefore splitting all Ooshies here equally. In two weeks time, my calculation of Ooshies for example is that d will have 28 and sd will have 28 here and over 70 at her mums. As I said this is petty but a good example of how do you separate and balance having a full time child and a step child. It is like sd and partner feel that time is suspended as soon as sd leaves. Am I wrong in my thinking??