What to do .... After moving so quickly...
I removed my self and 3 of my children from a home full of Domestic Violence. I have 1 BS4 whom at one point was taking on the role of his father and being very abusive to me and his sisters. About 5 months ago we moved in with my BF who is going through a divorse as we speak. He has 3 BD. 16,10, and 8. Who also all live here. There has been alot of adjusting, my sons behavior has made great changes, and my BFD's have accepted me and my children very well... They are now wanting to spend more time with BM if they get mad at their BD, and BD is very confused as how we need to handle these issues.
Should my children and I move out?
Should we seek family therapy?
Family meetings weekly?
We put locks on the kids doors on the outside so that the little kids can't hurt their things. This way their property is protected. BF's daughters still have their own rooms and their own space . My children share space with eachother. Any suggestions on how to make everyone feel safe a secure, and not allow his children to feel like their home isn't home anymore???
We have been together for 5
We have been together for 5 months
Ditto.
Ditto.
I don't want to move out! We
I don't want to move out! We just want everyone to be happy and secure, the kids are all happy most of the time and have all adjusted well, but sometimes the little ones bother the older kids. To me this part is very normal! The locks are on the doors so that their stuff is protected while they are with the BM. His kids love me and my kids, just not sure how to make sure that noone gets hurt. Oh did I mention the BM of his kids plays big head games too!!!?
THis was too fast if they
THis was too fast if they were not divorced yet. You should move out and take it slow, especially given how many children you are talking about blending.
After meeting all of the his
After meeting all of the his kids and hanging out a lot his kids wanted us to move in here!
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What would you do if the kids
What would you do if the kids said they wanted ice for dinner each night?
You just met this man 5 months ago????
When did you other relationship end?'
Even if there weren't kids in the picture you moved too fast. He's still married.
You and your kids need your own place.
I agree we did move things
I agree we did move things fast, this has been a langthly divorce, which the ex also has a BF with kids whom are also moving in together on the first. We didn't let the kids make this decission, but there were a lot of long talks about it.
We dated in High school as well, and we plan on getting married some day. He is a wonderful man and father. We make a great team and the kids have all seen that.
Does anyone have any suggestions that don't include us having to move??
You can't really believe this
You can't really believe this is the best thing for those kids.
NONE of the adults (you,BF,BM her BF) are thinking about the kids. You're all jumping in and out of relationship and taking the kids along for the ride. They will pay the price for the choices you all make.
My children were getting in
My children were getting in home counceling before we moved out of BD house and after we moved in here. My son is no longer abusive and my daughters have adjusted well. I mean no drop in grades, no emotional changes, and my son is still getting theraphy.. I think he would pay the most if we moved out, he loves it here!!
How much time passed between
How much time passed between ending your last relationship and starting this one?
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your input and suggestions.
There have been positive changes in all the kids since this move, and yes I mean ALL of the kids.
There has to be a way to handle this without having to uproot my children again, they have become very at home here.
So much for people wanting
So much for people wanting the truth. We should have this site renamed,
"Just what you wanted to hear, Talk."
Blended, Weekly meetings are
Blended,
Weekly meetings are a great idea, especially if you make them not only about the household, but an open forum for everyone to share their irritations without fear of reprisals. In our household, we have to keep a master calendar and Sunday dinner is when we review it and get ideas for future activities. It gives the kids input into what is going on with their lives, which is very important in these situations. I also like the idea of locking the SD's doors if your children don't always respect their territory. Even among siblings this can be a problem, and if it makes the girls feel more secure that they still have their space, then let them have it, as long as your children also have space that is only theirs.
Pam