What is an appropriate consquence/reaction for this? (Pissed)
What is an appropriate consequence for a young teenage boy in this scnario:
Kid was caught perusing porn on the home laptop, lost internet privileges for a month and we installed filters. Kid shows no remorse or embarrassment, end of issue (for a while).
Not long after this incident, received an iphone from his mother, with full access to the internet on the phone.
Months go by, I finally ask DH to spot check kid's phone/internet activity on phone. When asked to hand over phone, kid races to bathroom despite being told on the way to just hand it over or there would be consquences... kid finally hands over phone and all internet history and text message and photos are deleted.
Kid is sticks to his absurd story that he just had to bring it the bathroom for some unknown reason and did not delete internet history, texts and photos. Even after he dodged and weaved by DH and I who both had hand out for phone and then locked self in bathroom.
DH takes away phone and kid has been told he won't get it back for a long time since he cannot be trusted and deleted everything from phone.
What are your opinions on what the consequences should be for this kid, with regard to getting the phone back (I don't think he should, he cannot be trusted and defied order to hand it over so it could be checked).
Also immediately consequences such as should be playing video games today, etc. I say he should be in his room thinking about what he did and about trust and maybe reading a fricking book.
The internet cannot be
The internet cannot be disabled on his smart phohne -- it's on his mother's cellular plan. And she's very liberal, she won't even care what he was trying to hide.
I suggested to DH just getting him a flip phone that calls and texts. He is resisting and honestly it's pissing me off how he won't address this issue head on.
I also thought he should be
I also thought he should be grounded for a week (5 school days, whooopee). This was deemed to be too harsh. EYE ROLL. :sick:
I think he should think about it for a week. But DH thinks just for today is enough.
Yes I guess this is an
Yes I guess this is an option. I just hate to see DH doing the wrong thing parenting wise. Also, when my kid wants to get his smart phone, it will be the same old, "SS gets to do XX because he's not my kid, I am in charge of you so these are the rules for you", etc.
Plus... I just don't think he should be allowed to do bad stuff on the internet in my home. What he does at his mom's, whatever. But not here. It just rubs me the wrong way. He can whack all he wants just use his imagination. Who knows what he's doing on that phone with kids these days texting the dirty photos and there is filth on the internet beyond just nudie stuff. Just don't want it in my house. It's not his divine right to be on the internet having anything and everything polluting his brain.
And... if DH thinks I'm being too harsh, well, I kind of feel like too bad, I'm pretty sure I am right about this. I have to live with this kid so I'm not 100% removed from him or anything.
^^This. Not to mention, BM
^^This.
Not to mention, BM pays for the plan, she paid for the phone, and YOU want to keep it?
Ummm, no. Not your place. That is her property.
IF (and that's a big if) your DH is on board, he can take the phone while the kid is at your house.
I get that dad and mom are both fairly ok with this, and you are the one spearheading the "issues."
Let it go. It's not your place nor concern.
How old is SS? Are we
How old is SS? Are we talking about a 12 or 13 year old? or a 17 year old?
The reason I ask is at 17 I don't think it is that big of a deal. You just don't let him have internet or his phone when at your house (manage when in your control). If he's 12 and his momma doesn't care about the VERY graphic images (way worse than stealing your dad's playboy mag... just sayin') then you have a bigger issue to deal with. Ya know?
Boys are gonna do boy things (don't ask about the random sock behind the bed - been there, done that!) - and honestly girls do too. BUT they don't need to be checking it out on the computer.
My SS17 now, was 14 when he came to my house for a visit with his dad. During the trip, he had asked to play games on my computer. No problem - its in a supervised area of the house. Shortly after they left, I jumped on the computer and see the last thing in the searches? "kids sex"
Yeah. Can you imagine my freak out? is this kid an effin ped? Or is he really just trying to find porn of kids his age (still VERY WRONG - but at 14...) I called DH. Boy denies. Says one of my daughters must have searched for that. NICE. Moral to the story? When they moved in, it was determined that he would not have access to the computer without supervision. (and I LOCKED down/installed filters to restrict what he could do.)
I kinda wonder if my ip address has been flagged by the FBI for trying to access kiddie porn.
With the whole texting
With the whole texting thing...isn't it a felony if he's sexting?
I was married to a porn
I was married to a porn addict whose obsession began at a young age. I could tell you all the things that the addiction affects in a relationship, but all you need to know is that none of them are good. You are right to want to protect this child (still not sure on the age), but if his parents don't care how jacked up he is, there is really nothing more you can do. Personally, with my history, I don't think I could stay in the situation you are in. But that is one of those sm things where you have no control.
I also know a girl who is starting therapy for "sexual deviancy" after starting out watching porn, which led to chat rooms, stalkers, police, and court...she's 20. She will possibly be given inpatient therapy...this is serious business.
I know another kid (12) who was caught asking for a girl to send a naked pic. Had she done it, it is illegal for both sending AND receiving. And yes, the parents can be held liable. His phone was taken away (I agree that kids should only have text/talk capabilities, it's what mine have). But...he just got a Kindle Fire for his birthday and is playing on it allllll freakin day. Supposedly parental controls were set, but we'll see...(still doesn't mean he can't send/receive pics through the texting ap...)
It is a scary freakin world out there. And those images can never be removed from a child's brain. We owe it to them to protect them, and if they want to watch porn at 18, they can do so at their own apartment...
I would take away his
I would take away his internet privileges for like a month. We have a rule here we don't give our kids more than one punishment so I don't really agree with grounding him also but if you asked him not to do it and he disobeyed you once already than perhaps not allowing him to do things such as play video games for a week would make sense also.
get the phone out of your
get the phone out of your house. BM tried to send phones home with our 13 and 15 year old, we sent em back!