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Well looks like we might have to cancel our only family trip this year

Biostep7777's picture

What would you do? Here's the situation. We have a temporary CO. HCBM lied to the judge and told her DH doesn't take the kids to sports. We did not know she would lie in court about this so we did not have our evidence ready to show that was a lie. Not only does he take them....he's their coach. She justvoutright lied. So, now DH is court ordered to take them to their scheduled sports which is fine since he lives taking them and did all along (what HCBM was referring to is when she signed SS up for another sports team on top of the other two he was on and DH would not agree because it was oversceduling and overlapping his other commitments) anyway. So now here's the situation: 

they are doing basketball and it stated that the season is over on January 23rd. Well they have made lots of adjustments so figured "oh looks like no championship games this year because of Covid" so we planned a trip to go to the mountains to hang at a cabin on the weekend of the 28th. However, DH just received an endil that said championships will be the weekend of the 30th. This is the first we are seeing of this so we have a few choices: 

1) cancel the whole trip and we do have other kids involved who are very excited to go so this seems unfair. Plus we would lose hundreds of dollars cancelling less then 2 weeks. Or 

2) We all go and DH brings them back on Saturday and me and  my kids stay the rest of the time without them or 

3) tell the coaches we already made plans for a trip and we can't do the championship but his will this look in court? 

this was the only weekend we could go with custody schedules and baseball starts the weekend after so we would be in the same boat. 
 

what would you do?? 
 

Gimlet's picture

I would choose door number two.

Your and your kids still get the trip (they should not be penalized because of HCBM) and you get some alone time with them, skids are still included but also fulfilling their obligation to the team, and there is no ammo for court.

I love alone with with my kid, though, so YMMV. 

Biostep7777's picture

Yeah so stepkids will completely miss out on the activity we have planned for that day which is the entire reason we are going on the trip. Ughhhhh!!! Also if championships are early morning it's a 2 hour drive. Plus the only family trip we have is ruined. This is literally the ONLY trip we could plan this entire year to spend time as a family and of course there's a wrench thrown in it. Because she signs them up for so much crap, we literally never get to do anything together. We saw this one weekend between everything and Nope! Can't happen can it? I'm so upset. My kids are going to be sad because they were really looking forward to doing this with their step siblings. So this entire trip we were all excited for is a complete bust. 

Gimlet's picture

You have other choices, just telling you what I would choose but our situations are different.  The best blended trips we did were when we had plenty of space with our respective kids.  And I never had to deal with court.

There may be others who say don't let HCBM dictate your trip and that she's going to lie either way.  I am sure some of the posters with more experience with court will weigh in and I am interested to hear their takes.

What does your husband think about this?  Is he leaning a particular way?

Biostep7777's picture

I'm open to hearing more options!! He's upset. He wants us all to be together. We do trips separate as well. This will be the one this entire year we were  going to do together. 

hereiam's picture

I would do # 3. You thought the season was over, you planned a family vacation. That does not make him a bad dad and if BM takes him to court, I would use that opportunity to get this sports thing straightened out because I think it's a ridiculous thing to be court ordered.

Biostep7777's picture

Well we have a temporary order while waiting for court so we are already going to court. The issue is that he's court ordered to take them because she lied and said he wouldn't. We have all the evidence to prove this was an outright lie but he's still court ordered to take them and it's the championship game so they played all season and shouldn't miss the last championship game. That will look bad in court. It's just upsetting. She just does the stuff to make sure she has control and we get screwed all the time.

tog redux's picture

I'd do #2. You guys planned a trip without checking to find out for sure that there would be no games, so that's kind of on you.

BM here once got it in a CO that DH had to take SS to practice every day that we were on vacation 1.5 hours away - ugh, these women. Anything to control their ex.

Biostep7777's picture

Well originally it says the season was over on the 23rd. So, there was no reason to think it went beyond that. If they had championship games that's usually in the original schedule so we figured they just weren't having them since it was not listed. In years past, they were listed. They weren't there. So yeah. I guess they will have to miss out now because they didn't communicate this correctly. Sucks but it is what it is. 

tog redux's picture

Fair enough then - you could do option 3. I was always of the mindset that I didn't want to poke the bear and end up back in court again, because BM always won. A vacation wasn't worth that stress to me.

hereiam's picture

In OP's case, I think they are going to be in court, anyway, hammering out a permanent CO, as the current one is temporary (and ridiculous).

tog redux's picture

True, except the judge doesn't think this is ridiculous, since she/he ordered it. So he runs the risk of looking bad.

hereiam's picture

Yes, how horrible that a dad wants to take his kids on a vacation, when he thought basketball season was OVER. They should just be taken away from him, altogether!

Biostep7777's picture

The judge ordered this because BM lied and said DH refused to take them to any sports. It was an outright  lie! He took them to everything. He was even their coach. He didn't take them to a THIRD sports team she unilaterally signed them up for without his knowledge or agreement in which we had already made plans including SS's birthday party. Yeah, she  called screaming and demanding we cancel SS's birthday party for a game that she signed them up for that DH never agreed to and because he wouldn't cancel SS's birthday party and tell all his friends it was cancelled she told the judge he "never" took them. It's literally insane. She just outright lied through her teeth but luckily we have  the evidence to show her lies. She's completely out of control crazy HC. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

So now the government/courts are getting involved for the sake of *sports*?! To me, this is frivolous. 

tog redux's picture

It gets spun as, "The kids LOVE their sports, but HE refuses to take them. They are devastated by not being able to participate in all the games."

 

Biostep7777's picture

Exactly!!! This is spot on. Even though we just talked to SS and he has no idea if they are ahead and might have a championship, he has no idea how many games they have won, no idea when his games are today. This is all HCBM lead. He doesn't care about basketball AT ALL. 

hereiam's picture

Can you get a notarized statement to that effect? Haha, kidding but seriously, these judges who just order stupid, frivolous crap based on what a HCBM says is beyond me.

Biostep7777's picture

It's all about control for her. The kids do not care about basketball AT ALL. They are expected to listen to their mother. Period. They know exactly what to say to make her happy. This was established in therapy already and she fired the therapists. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I also don't feel obligated to tell him about concerts and recitals for things he doesn't want to participate in, so there's that. 

tog redux's picture

It's always about control. These women feel out of control, so they get it back in whatever way they can. BM here also loved being the mom who was at every practice and every game so people thought she was MOTY. So that was why she wanted SS there. Plus, she wanted to ruin our vacation, so it was a twofer for her. She ruined almost every vacation we had.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Damn. I guess i could be taking my ex to court and nickel/diming him for piano lessons and rides. I see it as, if he doesn't want to support their hobbies, he doesn't have to. But i also like doing it. 

Harry's picture

If you cancel the trip and something happens. As playoff get canceled because of Covid,  you now lost money for nothing.    Go have fun.   DH can take SS to the playoff have bonding father son time.   And if they lose in the first round he may be back at the cabin that night.

Why should the other kids suffer because of SS ? 

Biostep7777's picture

Yeah this is what we will end up doing. I'm thankful to everyone for the perspective. I think I just needed to talk it out not with DH because I do feel bad for him and I just get worked up and that doesn't help. Lol!!! I'm hoping maybe this will spark skids to maybe be honest instead of just being robotic and doing whatever she plans for them. It's frustrating because if this was something they truly loved than this would be an easier decision. But, neither one of them care at all about basketball. It's just something they do because BM tells them they need exercise (which I agree but we are an active family and always bike riding, walking dog, hiking, playing tennis at the courts in our neighborhood, we have a basketball hoop in the driveway and we would be in the mountains ice skating, hiking ect... which is exercise. It sucks that he has to drive 2 hours there and back so the kids can participate in an indoor sport for exercise  (which DH are not even comfortable with right now because of Covid but apparently our concerns mean absolutely nothing) instead of a safer outdoor activity getting exercise with their family in the gorgeous mountains. I mean. Really?? Ughhhh!!! Just so frustrating! 

notarelative's picture

The situation is not a good one. If SKs and DH miss the court ordered game (not a good idea to miss something court ordered), it's not only the SKs and DH who are affected, it's the whole team. Even if there is a replacement coach, they are still down two players. And a replacement coach does not know the players as well and will probably not utilize the players to their fullest.

I realize the playoffs were not on the original schedule, but did DH miss the coach meeting or email where this was discussed?

Biostep7777's picture

Oh sorry!!! No he's not a coach for basketball. He was for other sports. This is just a YMCA rec team. Originally they said the season goes until January 23rd. We figured that was either with the championship or then we were like "oh they probably are not doing championships because of Covid" (still not sure how they will pull thaf off actually) Maybe we shouldn't have assumed the season was over when  they said it was over but didn't really think to question their communication. Like "are you sure you wrote that correctly" I mean I don't know who or why anyone would have thought to do that. 

Rags's picture

Family plans trump poorly organized sporting events.

If it comes up in court have your lawyer highlight BM's prior lies and that DH is the coach of his kid;s sport teams.  You do not need proof to counter a lie.  All you need to do is state the facts, point out that you did not forecast that BM would lie about sports, and that you will have your attorney forward verifyable proof to the Judge if required.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

The good side of the blended family campaign does not allways win, but the toxic side cannot ever be allowed to lie without it being contested immediately in court when they do lie in front of a Judge.

Good luck.

Biostep7777's picture

Yeah I agree with the lying!!! It was a temporary hearing and we ran out of time and was not able to counter her lies. Ugh!!! 

lieutenant_dad's picture

If you have an attorney, I'd ask them. Personally, though, I'd go with option 3 and lay out the timeline of everything. Show the email that said everything ended on the 23rd, show the email booking after getting the first email, and show the final email saying the championship was the 30th. If you're going to fight BM in court over these things, now is the time to do it, not after it's in a set CO.

sampeshirl's picture

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