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We are both custodial...any btdt advice?

branmuffin97's picture

I have 3bk(14d,11d,8s) and dh has a 13yo son. We are both custodial but ss is with his mom mon and tues night..my kids go to their dad's on the weekend. So we only have a few days where we are here together. However, dh and I have parented differently over the years.(we are newlyweds..combined household for a few months) I take grades very seriously...his son will have a few f's and still not be grounded. He is a stickler for how the kids talk..back talk,etc. I figure if they are never in trouble in school, have straight A's and are responsible good kids..I don't really care if they use words like Freakin' or if they question a punishment. I've always encouraged them to freely question my decisions...knowing that at any minute I can trump them beccause I am the adult.I'm not offended by them asking "why" or pointing out that maybe I'm inconsistent.

So we don't see eye to eye on everything. Is it wrong to have two sets of rules for kids that technically live under one roof? Dh knows we disagree on parenting things so as of right now..he will make decisions for his son, knowing I won't agree, because it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, kwim? Then we have something unpleasant between us. frustrating...makes me wonder what is so wrong with saying you raise yours, I'll raise mine.

StressedOutStepMom2's picture

Sometimes you have no choice!!! Thats the way it is in my household. My children have much stricter rukes than my fiance's kids. Sometimes my children will ask, "Well how come they can do it?" The only answer I have is because "I'm not their mom".
Wish it didn't have to be that way, but sometimes, thats just how it is.

branmuffin97's picture

DH says he wants the same rules for all..but he really doesn't. I have no problem parenting kids under the same roof differently. I was a foster parent before and my kids are kind of used to the other kids in the house having a different sort of life. Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.