Hello Everyone!

I've been in a week long argument with my husband over my step kids. 

A background: We've been together for 5 years, married going on 4. We came into this relationship with him having 2 from a previous marriage. Which at the time there were no issues with. We ended up having a child together and I became a stay at home mom so I could care for our kiddo. Of course I'd would also become care taker of our step kids. But as we ended up having another kid, and the step kids got older, the dynamics changed. While I love and care about them, the relationship began to strain between my husband and I. I ended up having to go on medication for having a mood swing disorder. And about 6 months ago after getting into another argument over the step kids I told him that I was taking a step back away from the situation. That he would be solely responsible for his children from a previous marriage and he could raise them how he saw fit. And if they were to be here, that he would have to be here as well. Of course on certain occasions where he could leave them here as long as he told them I was in charge.  We had gone through talks about finding middle ground about what the children were responsible for, the rules of the house, punishments that were allowed. All of this written down and more. And it seemed like each time they got into trouble, me and him were fighting about it. He didn't have my back. There was no united front. I was tired of the disrespect and I was tired of the arguments and strain on my marriage. Him and their bio mom want to be the best friends. These kids have no idea how rude or disrespectful they can be, and they believe that they are entitled to a lot of things to which in life you need to earn. I don't blame them for their behavior I blame their parents. And trying to correct or teach them that this behavior isn't okay on my end just results in a fight, which I'm over. I tried playing the responsible parents. I tried helping to raise them. A person can only take so much. 

We tried leaving them here for Christmas break. Now they aren't bad kids, but some of the things they do like disrespecting an adult, being a bully isn't something I'm okay with. HIs oldest started being disrespect not only towards me but their siblings as well. I ended up leaving them home (13 is old enough) and went to do errands. I told my husband what had happened and what I did. Before the night was over, they had played the pity card that I left them there on purpose and no one wanted anything to do with them all day. Again I was at fault. So I said they need to go to their grandparents for the remaining days. 

Fast forward to last week. I had continued to ask what his plans were for his kids for spring break. He couldn't come up with an answer. Our first  born was on spring break as well so I made plans for him to have play dates and do fun things. I also had doctors appointments as we are pregnant with child #3. So I finally asked, are they staying here for spring break? He said yes. I continually asked to talk about it, and he said the decision was final and I finally blew up. I said you have yet to consult me on any decision making in the past few weeks (this goes beyond the step kids as well). Unless you discuss this with me they aren't staying here. SO in turn he said you either can watch them for spring break or we are getting a divorce. I told him to get the papers then. He proceeded to tell me that if I didn't want to be a parent that he would need to know> I said 6 months ago we came to an agreement that I was no longer responsible for them. That you would have to be here when they were here. He broght up xmas vacation. I said don't you remember how that ended? They spent the last few days with their grandparents while you were at work. So instead of talking he gave me an ultimatum. 

He fully believes that I am in the wrong. Refuses to see that if he had just simply said he needed help and made arrangements not just with me but with the grandparents that I might have actually said okay, they can stay. but to assume that I was just going to be okay with it without even attempting to talk or set ground rules. I'm really hurt by all of this. On top of all of this. I told him to leave if he wasn't going to come to some sort of middle ground so he left. But no means did I not say my fair share of mean and evil things because well I was pretty pissed. But, I ended up in the emergency room and tried getting a hold of him. He ignored my cals and texts. He ended up coming the next morning only to immediately leave because he didn't have sufficient care for the older two. So left before I was discharged. Which hurts in itself. But I have to I guess deal with it. But now he has gone to not coming home at night and taking money out of the bank, locking me out of accounts. I'm very lost.