I'm sorry for your trouble.  Question: who is paying rent, utilities and food?

I am sorry that it has come to this.

Until your wife makes your marriage a priority, I'm not sure what you can do. Other than work on getting your name off of their bills.

If you aren't there, pull your money out.  If she balks tell her to take it up with kids. 

I am so sorry, no matter what the age of the children she will always have a soft spot. However, as I have grown children of my own and would do anything to help my children, this is something that needs to be discussed between you and your wife. As the 2 of you need to have a united front in order for anything to work between you. If she can not and will not discuss with you, and compromise there is no where for it to go. You have to do what is best for you, as she is not considering your feelings and relationship.

This is a common story on here from men who meet a woman in middle age after her kids have moved out, and lo and behold, here they all come, moving right back in!  And Mommy wants her new husband to pay for everything for the poor darlings, who can't possibly lift a finger to help or pay for anything.

Please separate your money (yes, you can do it legally  now), and give her only your share of the joint bills. You aren't obligated to support her freeloading adult children.

I'm sorry - I have to point out though, I don't believe in soulmates, but if I did, she wouldn't be an example of one. She cares absolutely NOTHING about your needs and feelings.

I agree with the others that if your wife wont bend, then it's probably hopeless.  In a perfect world, there would be a two-part bandaid solution.  First, in a 3- bedroom place, you and wife in one, both boys in the second and daughter in the third.  Second, launch plans for all 3 kids.

It's a shame she won't work with you.  You seem to have a decent relationship with the adult skids, a rarity in Steptalk.  Good luck.

You do legally have to pay your helf of the mortgage. But I would pay that directly to the mortgage company and have a record.

You are not obligated to pay for anything else.

Stop immediately addiing to the joint account and when DW complains tell her she can ask her adult children to contribute.

If you give her, her cake and let her eat it too. She will never reap the consequences of her choices.

As far as the mortgage goes. Pay your half directly. Make sure you keep in contact with the mortgage company. If she is not paying her half, you pay it and keep a record. She will have to reimburse you her half from the date you file for divorce.

That can be done either through sale of the house or if she buys out your half the court will add amoiowed to you to what she has to pay you.

Take any bills for the house out of your name. If you have joint credit cards cancel them. 

Is their name on the deed?  No, but their mother is and since she is THE problem, she will cover for them.  

Time to lawyer up, Vidiot57.

Your bride has made it clear that you do not even register for her as a priority and neither does this marriage.

Believe her.  

You left, stay gone.  And cut off all funds to your STBXW and her failed prior family progeny.  See how she/they like it when there is no funds for food, housing, utilities, etc.. .and you are comfortably getting on with your life.

Meet with all of the top 10 divorce lawyers in your community to take them off of the table for your STBXW, select the best,  and go for blood.  Have  your attorney do everything possible to cut her and her spawn off from being able to survive in the home that you pay for.   Work with your mortgage company to pay half and vector them to her for the other half as  you accelerate getting the divorce finalized.

Take every penny of liquidity out of joint accounts and put it in new accounts that she has no knowledge of or access to.  See how she likes having the Vidiot57 provided gravy train cut off .... for ever.  You have no children with her.  There is no reason why you should have any interface with any of them once you have her served with divorce papers.  Also... shut down any utility accounts that are in your name and have your credit monitoring locked down so if she does anything using your information you can end it pronto.

Enjoy your new life.

Sadly this reminds me of the trainwreck that a former boss of mine lived day in and day out for decades.  At that time he had been separated from his wife for 18 years. She and their 3 adult failed kids lived in the family home that he provided.  None of them worked. His whackjob wife had him by the short and curlies and he was so codependent that he just kept doing what had been happening for nearly 20 years.  When he would whine to me about it I, and every one else he would whine to, would tell him to grow some balls and cut them all off.  Nope. The last I heard he had bought them a new house in a more desireable State and was still supporting all three of them.

Take care of you and STOP... being their money bitch.

The removal of the Ring camera would get me to a lawyer's office first thing on Monday.  Open an account in your name only and redirect your paycheck as soon as possible.  Do not pay for food or any of their personal expenses.  Cancel any joint credit cards and put a freeze on your credit so your wife can't open anything in your name. Discuss with your attorney whether to try to get your name off of the utilities and how much of the funds in the joint account you should move into your own personal account.  I would not tell the wife that you're planning to file for divorce until you have your ducks in a row, but you can certainly tell her that since you're not living there, you expect her to pay half the mortgage and all of the utilities and food, and that you will not be returning until at least the two older children are gone.  Either she'll take you seriously and get her kids launched pronto, or you'll know exactly where you stand in her list of priorities.