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Ugh. I tried but I'm incapable of liking my step daughter

Alr00117's picture

Hello. Seeking guidance for the fact that I like my step daughter less and less each day. I try to like her, and I feel like I did before now, but lately I just honestly don't like when she comes here. Before my husband and I got married, his daughter lived with him full time, due to an arrangement between her mother and my husband. At this time I enjoyed spending time with her. But since she's went back to live with her mother I cant stand her. she comes every other weekend, and each visit i like her less. She cries constantly. Now I understand that a 6 year old girl will cry, but oh my God, she cries all the time, over nonsense. I cant stand crybaby crap. She has this stupid giraffe stuffed animal that she Carrie's around, and God forbid she forget it at home, because she will cry for hours over it the first night. But the remainder of the nights she'll be fine, until the next time she forgets it. I wish her mother would just throw the damn thing away. She wont eat anything besides cheese and corn dogs most of the time because she has never been made to eat real food, and that is something I cannot tolerate. Dont you dare eat 2 bites of your dinner and then complain an hour later that you are hungry when I know you've eaten this here before. The whole family baby's her and I REFUSE to. I hate whining. and it's all she does. She cops attitude with me all the time and even tho my husband doesnt let her get away with it she still continues to do it. But on the off times that she doesnt act like a brat, she acts weird and follows me around the house and stresses me out. She didnt used to be this way. Only since she went to live with her mother, who I genuinely despise. I dont know if I'm looking for guidance here, or just venting, but either way i hate feeling this way. 

tog redux's picture

How often is she with you guys? Is there something going on at her mother's that is causing some of this change in behavior? Why did BM agree for your DH to have her all the time?

One thing you can do is leave the parenting to DH, let him deal with food issues, etc.

Alr00117's picture

She is now only with us every other weekend. Her mother is just horrible so theres no telling what goes on over there. And DH had her full time because she got on drugs and didnt have a job to support her daughter. They were never married so he thinks he has basically no rights to his daughter even tho he is on the birth certificate, so he used to just do whatever she wanted and let her run his world. I put a stop to that. But when he had her full time, she was tolerable most of the time. The only times she annoyed me was when she would come back from her mothers house. 

tog redux's picture

So he needs to get at least 50/50. In some states, not being married doesn't matter a bit.

ETA: Never mind: Alabama.  Likely to matter there.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Whining = attention seeking. Disengage and your partner may like to praise or reward ‘non whiny’ behaviour. Whining is very difficult to ignore but it is possible. Ie can you go in another room for five mins?

small kids seem to get attached to teddy bears, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. 

ChaH1016's picture

This sounds like a female version of my SS who is also 6 but we have him every single weekend.

I try to disengage as much as possible now that he is a bit older, but I'm a horrible person and just hearing his voice annoys me.

He cries over EVERYTHING! His dad always defends his behaviour and blames it on his mother who he is with during the week. I believe that children should be able to understand that there are different rules in different environments, like home, school, grandmas house. 
Its been 5 years and my feelings have just gotten worse and worse but if you want to and are able to hang in there she may get better, or you may be able to get to the point where you can disengage and leave parenting her to her father.