Torn
I'm completely torn on what to do. Let me give you some background. I have two kids; one is from a previous marriage, the second is from my current husband. My husband has two kids from a previous marriage. We have my husband's kids every other weekend, it has been this way for 4-5 years. The issue is that my husband works weekends, always has. So really during my husband's weekends with his kids, they are with me the majority of the day until he gets home from work at 1pm. I feel like I am a single parent caring for four kids while he is at work. Additionally, I really don't feel like my step-kids want to be there with me. I feel very uncomfortable in my own home while they're with us, mostly because I feel like they don't want to be there and naturally would rather be with their mom, not their stepmom. I don't even look forward to the weekend when we have them. I don't expect them to call me mom or anything like that. But I feel like I've done A LOT for them, but yet they barely acknowledge me. I'm the one who plans all the birthdays, Christmas, etc. I take them to all of their sporting events on our weekends because my husband is at work. I just feel like there is tension in our house until my husband gets home from work, and even then, the tension is still there, just not as much. I recently told my husband how I feel, and he got very upset. I asked him to talk to his wife about getting his time changed to his days off during the week or talking with his employer about at least getting every other Saturday off when we have his kids. He basically refused. I don't know what to do. Am I just supposed to suck it up and feel this way every other weekend? I would love to take my two kids to do things, but I feel like I can't with all four kids. I feel like I don't have that much "weekend time" with my kids. What am I supposed to do????
I was fine with it in the
I was fine with it in the beginning, but now I just feel like I'm over it. I feel like they compare DH and myself to their biomom and step dad. I know their biomom takes them to do stuff all the time, they say they're hardly ever home. We just can't afford to go do "something" every other weekend, nor do I want to go do out and spend money every other weekend. I'm content with just being at home and getting stuff done around the house. I would like to take my kids to my parents, or the just little trips to the store here and there, but I feel like I can't do that with four kids, nor do I want to. I feel like I'm being selfish, I just want my weekend time with my kids. I don't want to be going back and forth taking them to their activities. I don't want that tension in my house because I know they would rather be with their mom and not me. Is this something that people get a divorce over? He does get to see them more on the weekends versus getting them during the school week due to their school schedule. He works weekends, but get home in the early afternoon. If he were to switch his visitation to week days, he would see them less after school and we would have to do much more driving getting them to and from school (they live 30 minutes away).
Just say no. These are not
Just say no. These are not your kids...They are his and BM's. You do not have to do anything with them that you are not comfortable doing...
As you already know, a mom is
As you already know, a mom is never appreciated. Not a step or bio mom. You can plan parties, buy gifts, whatever or NOT and it wouldn't matter one bit. They just know it gets done. Who actually does it is useless information to kids.
So, maybe you are feeling a little resentment that they don't seemingly appreciate you. Your own kids do (or do they?). They seem to because they pay you back by loving you and hugging you and all that great stuff. So, when we get zero back from Skids, we feel so damn cheated. Am I right? or am I right?
Now, the one thing your husband is failing to recognize is that everyone involved is unhappy with the situation, except for him. Cuz he gets to leave. You have a right to say no. Maybe you should tell him it's time for a sitter on the weekend so you can have a little freedom?
Tell him you're not watching
Tell him you're not watching them anymore. Let him know if he leaves them there,you will drop them off at BM's.
Or pack up your kids and go spend the weekend with your mom.
Could you get them dropped
Could you get them dropped off at lunchtime on a Saturday when you DH comes home or is that not an option? You should not have to be responsible for his kids when he isn't there. Put your foot down now before it gets out of hand.
I feel for you. We have the
I feel for you. We have the skid full time and Dh work both sat and sun, doesn't get home till 4. So I am on my own all weekend, every weekend. They have even burned bridges with their behavior, so we don't have anyone willing to even watch them for an afternoon for me
If there was any other option for me, I would insist he take it and give me a break.
When he gets home at
When he gets home at 1pm...
let him have his kids...
you do your thing and he gets daddy time..