You are here

Teenager stepson issues

M40uk's picture

Hi everyone! I am in a marriage with my wife who has a teenage stepson. We have been married for a little over a year. Understandably it has been a hard transition for him as he is used to been with his mum and then I come along. He's not a really bad lad and in general he does what I ask him, but there is one particular thing I cannot stand. Practically every time we go out together, (Myself, mother and son) he won't shut up talking to her, it's literally practically constant. He doesn't ask me questions and involve me in the conversation and he dominates it. I have tried to speak up myself and make a conversation with my wife so as to be able to talk to her too, yet at any tiny gap in the conversation he'll jump in and take over. I've told me wife about this before and she hasn't done anything about it. I've also noticed I'm like a puppy and follow them around as they stick close together and walk off where they want rather than let me guide as the husband. I feel like a little kid, I've tried to be assertive but it only briefly works and I can tell they don't like it. I'm sick of it as I feel pushed out. Any ideas? I've already tried talking about it to no avail. 

Harry's picture

Put blame on the person who is really disrespecting you.  Your DW should make SS understand he can not talk over people especially her DH  

If no one will parent SS. This what happens,  he takes control of everything  

Redfire04's picture

Hi, I have the exact same issue. My SS14 literarly suctions to her mum and she has her arm in his arm and they walk around like a couple. I fee like a third wheel. He constantly whispers into her ear and they talk about stuff and I just walk few steps behind like an idiot. As much as I don't like my SS it is not him, it is my wife who created this situation and is the problem. It iis emotional incest that she created in absence of husband in her life. She made her son to be like her partner instead of making him into a young man who is emotionally stable and independant. It is really sick if you ask me. I am at the point where I may have to leave as she is not willing to stop this behaviour.

Rags's picture

Bad

 

So many people who did not have the love of a quality parent as children breed to give themselves the "unconditional" love that they have never had.

Two of my DW's paternal cousins are the poster girls of this sad state.  My DW's BioDad was killed in a single car accident (heroin induced apparently) before my MIL knew she was pregnant with my DW.  His younger brother and his wife are both alcoholics and drug abusers. Or at least they were when they were younger.  They have two daughters. The elder one is college educated and in a long term though abusive marriage. The  younger one is a crack head criminal.

The elder cousin has two boys who she hovers over and are her life.  The younger one has disappeared into the drug culture homeless camp circuit leaving behind three daughters.  Her eldest daughter is intelligent, vivacious and hell bent on breading an army of children to love her unconditionally with as many baby daddies as it takes to fulfill her needs.  She has two sons by two different baby daddies born less than a year apart.  I think the term for that is Irish twins.   She is a dental assistant so makes a decent living. Her younger two sisters are being raised by my DW's uncle and aunt.  The next eldest just had an out of wedlock baby not long after she graduated from HS.  She is hell bent on going down the path of her elder sister and aunt to breed an army of babies to provide her with the unconditional love none of those three girls had growing up.  The jury is still out on #3 but I am not holding my breath.  Her two elder sisters and her aunt all are unconditional love breeders and make it look like a great thing to do.

It is tragic and it breaks my wife's heart.   My DW was raised by her mom and her stepdad who was at the hospital when my DW was born.  MIL and FIL married when DW was 2mos old.  My ILs, though they had a pile of issues of their own, raised their 4 kids with a lot of love.  My DW had SS-27 when she was 16 but it was not a breeding unconditional love quest like her cousins have been doing.  Rather than breed an unconditional love squad, DW focused on providing a quality life for herself and her son.  And that is how I ended up with an amazing woman and kid.

Her cousins are love breeding train wrecks and it breaks my DW's heart.  All of the cousins' kids will be fortunate to get out with an ability to be independent and to make lives as viable adults.

I could not immagine sacrificing myself to this kind of trainwreck of a partner and her breeding for love child(ren).

captjacksprrw's picture

Mini husband is spot on and my DW had two of them.  The very best advice (from my own pain and learning) is this:  Sit down with DW just the two of you.  Reiterate that you care for her son but that you are Not the puppy in the family and that Both of you need to help teach him behavior skills.  The two of you have to clearly and openly discuss your expectations and boundaries.  In my opinion, the biggest issue that errodes marriages is the Bio parent being Child centric and not marriage centric.  Let her know that you believe making your marriage the center will provide a far better environment for the SS