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Teenage step son

Canadad's picture

I have read so much about this but seem to not find a fulfilling answer. My significant other has two older teenagers (17 and almost 15). We moved in together and I ignored all the "gut feelings" of something feeling off. The boys are stand off in nature and I was thankful one decided to stay with DAD since he's closer to friends and school with him. The other one is becoming a nightmare. Maybe not a nightmare but someone who provokes me to lash out. He plays little games that I can't seem to disengage from. He always says hi to everyone but me and thanks only mom for dinners. He's a smart kid and I'm certain he knows the effect it has. I can't seem to ignore the behaviour or he becomes more bold. I know he's a kid ans close to moving on in life but it's getting to the point of me not wanting to even be in my home anymore. It's causing fights and tension. I don't know of ways to not feel this agitation I do when I even just  see him now. I've read every blog I can find and many resources to find coping mechanisms. I need to clear my head and find ways to stay clam ans not react. It's getting tiresome and I'm beginning  to feel territorial around the house like I want to chase him to his room even when he's just hanging around.

ahyone else reached this point and found ways to mitigate these feelings and move forward?


thanks guys

JRI's picture

What is her attitude?  Does she understand how you feel?  If you've read around on here, you know the bio parent is the only one who can effect change.

tog redux's picture

Why is your wife not setting limits on her son and demanding that he treats you respectfully?

MizSpoke's picture

I don't have an answer for you but totally relate. I've tried being nice, spending time with her, planning and doing things for her, but I am dealing with the same dynamic in my house with 14 y/o SD. Doesn't say hello or goodbye, only speaks to her dad. It's hard for me to even try with her anymore bc I feel so disrespected. I dread when she's here every other week. It's honestly all so aggravating! 

Rags's picture

Don't give this kid space in your head.  Confront his crap.

"Helloooooooo!  Don't be rude. You need to take lessons from your younger brother on polite behavior and respecting the adults in your home.  Don't forget. The adults that house you, clothe you, and feed your."

Make each infraction a bare his ass moment and let nothing go unconfronted.  Make it clear that he ends his shit or his last year in the family home will be one of zero tolerance and escalating misery for him.

Then make it happen.

Don't be his victim, rub his nose in his behavioral stench. Zero tolerance, full confrontation of his crap.

Do it with a smile or smirk, and enjoy yourself.