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Table manners and etiquette

EOWinparadise's picture

I cannot take eating at the table with my skids ANYMORE! It's like the trough at a farm. Every disgusting behavior you can imagine is happening. They are 6,7, and 13. All 3 of them use their fingers rather than silverware. Even when eating RICE! They constantly get up and wander around. They twist in their chairs, wiping their food-covered hands all over it. They sneeze and don't cover their mouths. They pick their noses. They stick their hands down their pants, front and back. They spit food out on their plates. They touch food in the serving dishes with their bare hands. They chew with their mouth open. They talk with their mouth full. They are constantly spitting food around the table. They wipe their hands off on their clothes, under the table, and on the chairs. They are constantly spilling their drinks because they are not paying attention at all. I am done with it! I want to throat chop my husband every time we sit down to eat because he has done the most horrendous job of teaching them table manners that I have ever seen. Thank you for letting me vent. I am now going to go fart on all of their pillows, husband included.

EOWinparadise's picture

No! I have zero clue why he is so damn oblivious to how disgusting it is to watch them eat.

Redredwine's picture

Ooh, ooh, teacher, call on me! I know the answer.

They eat like that "because they're just kids."
If you suggest better manners you may be awarded the "you're just being picky," "you don't like my kids," and the coveted "but if we [make them eat like civilized people] they won't want to come over anymore" stepmom badges.

If you tell your DH you will reserve the right to leave the table and/or eat elsewhere until the manners improve you will get shocked silence. And possibly a "you wouldn't really do that." (To which the only reply is: "try me.")

My DH also knew that I would tell the skids exactly why I was not at the table and he didn't want that so he did step up some in the table manners area.

EOWinparadise's picture

LOL! I hear a lot of the "they are just kids," but my husband is typically pretty good on backing me up on what I want changed, he is just horrible with consistency. He's the dad that threatens things like, "if you don't stop that you're going to go to bed right now and not get any dinner" at 10am. Obviously I need to come down harder on the things I want done differently.

EOWinparadise's picture

I tell them things like "eat with your fork, we're not cave-people." Or "get up and wash your hands now that you've stuck them into your buttcrack." I have gotten up a few times after seeing them pick their nose and told my husband that the nose-picking at the table ruined my appetite and I was done. Clearly, I need to be much more vocal about how inappropriate it is.

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

Echo, after my skids started being around their BM more they began eating their ENTIRE meals with their fucking FINGERS. While crouching gargoyle style on the dining room chairs :jawdrop:

That used to make my head explode. I know BM is from a 3rd world country but I don't want MY meals looking like a campaign from a Save The Children commercial.

DH didn't seem to notice it so much. I guess he got used to it after bein v around her people for so long. But I was grossed out.

I used to tell DH, "Wtf is going to happen when they go to a friend's house or in public as adults and slip up and start eating like this in front of CIVILIZED company???"

EOWinparadise's picture

What is with the "gargoyle-style crouching?" It is ridiculous. Has no one taught them to SIT in a chair. This causes them to constantly drop things all over the floor, fall out of their chair, and spill things all over the table. I feel like it's lunchtime at the special ed school (I worked there early in my teaching career).

EOWinparadise's picture

I believe you! It all comes down to parenting! The special ed class I taught was a preschool class for 3 year olds.

EOWinparadise's picture

That's exactly what I think. What kind of adults will these kids become? As a teacher, I see this kind of crap all the time, but would NEVER allow it with my own children. We (my colleagues and I) always talk about the horrendous parenting we see at work. Yet, I've been allowing it to happen in my home from his children. It is time to end this.
When I mention it, he immediately begins to correct it, but it never lasts. And he seems not to notice as many things as I do. I feel like a nag.

EOWinparadise's picture

As of right now I am writing down each offense that I regularly have to be exposed to so that I can be thorough with my husband. You are all right. I need to take control of my house.

EOWinparadise's picture

I finished a list of dinnertime infractions last night. It is more like the outline of a college thesis paper, but oh well. I need to make sure I am very clear on each behavior.

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

Roflmfao

Aniki's picture

Tonight: scratch your butt (inside your pants), then serve dinner - use your hands when possible; put your elbows on the table; eat off of your knife; chew with your mouth open; backsnort loudly and mutter "freakin' post nasal drip..."; lick your plate; belch.

Aniki's picture

They'd love you scratching your arse, then using that same hand to give them a piece of bread? :sick:

EOWinparadise's picture

I would hope they wouldn't, but they probably wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Maybe the 13 year old wouldn't.

Monchichi's picture

So I have 2 younger children in my home. My BD aged 7yr6m and my Chucky aged 6yr10m. When they misbehave I highly recommend using this on younger children. The process:

You need to use a controlled, calm voice with the same consistent message every time with every meal.

1st Ask: Child 1 you need to eat your food with a knife and fork, you are being rude. (USE YOU and not I do not like how you eat)
Wait 5 minutes between your asks
2nd Ask: Child 1 this is the 2nd time you are being asked to eat your food with a knife and fork, you are being rude.
Wait 5 minutes between your asks
Child 1 you have been asked twice to eat your food with a knife and fork, you are being rude. You will now go time out for 6/7 minutes.
Then send the child time out in the bathroom facing a wall for allotted time. If the child comes back and does the same thing you do it again and again and again.

If child misbehaves on breakfast only once, does it again at lunch that is waning 2. There is no resetting this punishment per meal/ infraction. In the beginning you will find it hard to follow through with. You will have to time out NON STOP for 1-2 days and then they fall in to line.

Good luck!

EOWinparadise's picture

This is a great idea, I agree with ^ about decreasing the time, but to be quite honest with you, I don't want to be the one constantly harping on all their behaviors. My husband needs to learn to do it and be consistent about it. I feel like then they will think there is nothing truly wrong with their behavior because he says nothing and I am just a step monster trying to ruin their lives.
Although after I talk to my husband about the table issue, I will have to start either excusing myself or excusing them from the table when they gross me out. Otherwise I am going to starve to death.

EOWinparadise's picture

I agree with you. I don't want to be the one dealing with it. They will never take it seriously because their dad (and their mom) allow it so then I will just become the horrible, wicked stepmother that just yells at them all the time. Their dad needs to support this and support it consistently.

Aniki's picture

I no longer eat with the skids for 2 reasons.

1) They love premade, frozen CRAP. DH isn't a foodie like I am, so he will eat the premade, frozen crap with them. I make my own freshly prepared meals (you should have seen their faces the night I had tenderloin!).

2) and this is the MAIN reason... I simply cannot STAND to sit at a table with those shi'theads. PigPen12 is clumsy and always spilling or dropping something, but the kicker with him is when DH makes him eat vegetables. His lower lip drops about 3 feet and I swear he's about to cry. Ridiculous. PrincASS15 doesn't make a mess, but that boy SHOVELS mass quantities of food into his gaping maw, and half the time, he chews with his mouth open. It's abominable how much food he manages to cram into his piehole. Literally makes me lose my appetite. DH is constantly on him "PrincASS, take smaller bites." "PrincASS, stop putting so much food in your mouth." Obviously, he needs to be spoonfed as he is incapable of putting less than a pound of food on his fork or spoon.

Several months ago, I reached my limit after PrincASS stuffed a wad of pasta the size of a baseball into his oral crater. I got up from the table and threw away my dinner. DH asked what was wrong and I told him "It makes me sick to my stomach to see PrincASS cramming food into his mouth like he's trying to win an award for Biggest Capacity Piehole. It's disgusting. And if I sit there any longer and see that, I will PROJECTILE VOMIT across the whole bloody table."

It's a losing battle with PrincASS. I hear DH constantly repeating the "take smaller bites" and so on. Never stops. DH and I have agreed we will NEVER EVER take the skids out to eat anywhere (shudder) because they have such atrocious table manners.

EOWinparadise's picture

"Oral crater." LMAO, thank you for that. You improved my mood ten-fold. So funny!

ctnmom's picture

See, I can't stomach this. When CTBBSS37 was little, I had to put my foot down on this one. DH just had to cave to me on it because I really get physically ill with stuff like this. Of course I was being "mean" lol but I stood my ground. This is how it came down: CTBB would sit next to me at the table. I would correct him CONSTANTLY but matter of factly in a neutral tone. "No, hold your fork the way I showed you". "No hands". "Use your napkin". He would say" it's so haaaard to eeeeat heeeeere" but he was pretty compliant. He was a fat kid with some bizarre eating habits (he's the picture of health now), so I would concede to let him, say, split his pork chop in half and fill it with ketchup. But only if he used his knife and fork. Dirol In other words, it was easier for him to eat properly than be nagged to death. }:) I'm sure he was silently thanking me on his first dinner date.

EOWinparadise's picture

Maybe I just need to be the one nagging them to death then. I don't want to. It's not my fault they eat like barnyard animals, I didn't raise them. They may hate me now, but one day they will thank me (yeah right), but at least I won't be made physically ill every time I sit down for dinner.