Steps & In-laws
I'm curious as to how most "extended blended" family members treat the bios vs skids?
Over the years I have had several cousins that my grandparents accepted into the family. Never once did I see my grandmother or grandfather treat any of the (step)grandchildren any different than the natural born grandchildren. (STEP - was never a word used by my grandparents, BTW).
However, I myself am now a stepmother and I have watched my MIL treat my nephew & my bios different than her bios. Now my Mother is doing the same. In all fairness, my mother was very accepting of my skids in the beginning. She kept all four kids after school while DH & I worked. She allowed all four to spend the night at any given time (at their request). She was a huge help for DH & I to be able to make it through those first few years of extreme stress of blending our family.
With the age of social media, apparently my mother noticed my MIL's disregard for my bios and therefore reacted by trying to make it up to them, which only alienated my skids. I've never talked to my SIL about MIL's distinction between her son (a step) & her daughter (a bio) nor have I spoken to DH about either of our mothers and how they make such a difference.
I did talk to my mom one day. She explained to me that yes it infuriated her to see MIL disregard my bios and lavish attention on the skids on the social media sites, because she knew if it was like that on social media it was like that in her heart and in person. She wanted to be able to love and spend time her BIO grandchildren without the skids, "because the skids will grow up and only have time for their real families anyway".
I guess I am curious if most extended blended families are more like my grandparents were or more like my MIL & now my Mother? If more are like Mom and MIL, how do you and DH handle it? Does it cause arguments between you two or are you both okay with whatever each family does? If the children bring up the differences made by family members, how do you handle that? I know that's a lot of questions...so I'll stop there.