stepdaughter is nice to everyone but us
This is my first time posting. A little background: My husband divorced his ex in 2006 after she had an affair (my 18yo stepdaughter has no idea about the affair). I met my husband in 2007 and we married in 2008. I have an 18 yo stepdaughter and an 8yo bio son. When my husband and the bio mom divorced they agreed not to do the following: 1) bad mouth each other, 2) disclose the affair to their daughter, and to not introduce the any significant others to their daughter unless the relationship was heading towards marriage. My husband followed all the rules. The bio mom only follwed one, not to disclose the affair. In the last 10 years, she has married again, divorced again and has been engaged twice, all to different men. She does have a lucrative career but is irresponsible with money and recently has declared bankruptcy. The bio mom has bad mouthed us from the beginning, given us advice that actually hurt our relationship with the skid, and consistently told us how she is the best role model for her daugher and she is a "rock star" in her eyes. All throughout these past 10 years, we have sought professional help on how to deal with the bio mom and her attempt to alienate us from the skid. We keep getting the same response "Be patient, take the high road, one day the skid will figure it out". Now the skid is 18 and hasn't figured out!!!! The divorce stated that all costs will be split equally. The bio mom started giving us so much grief and ramping up the bad mouthing 5 years ago that we just started paying for everything. We have paid for everything for 5 years, sending the skid to college debt free, helped her to purchase a car, ect....While the bio mom is out living it up, racking up bills/boyfriends, declaring bankruptcy, and stuggles with binge drinking at times. Meanwhile we stick to the advice of the professionals and never point out any of the above behavior. Yet, my skid prefers to stay at her mom's, calls her the most inspirational person in her life and a role model. This hurts my husband. Especially when he has tried everything to build a strong relationship with his daughter. She hasn't like me since her mom started the badmouthing shortly after the wedding. I am the one who pays half of her expenses and tended to all of the "mom" duties, while her mom played the part of her best friend. I have to say in my skids defense, she is a naturally sweet, kind, brilliant and generous person. Unfortunately, she is like that with everyone but her father, myself, and her 8 year old brother. She's never unkind or disrespectful to us, just dismissive and won't respond to any of our attempts to build a solid relationship with her.