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Step-parenting when he has full custody

Kaycee87's picture

Hey everyone! So I have a wonderful man in my life, we have a son together who's 2, we both have daughters from our previous relationships. My daughter is 6 and her dad lives in Florida (thank god) & his daughter is 8 whom he has full custody of. I'm becoming increasingly more resentful at his daughter. She's honestly a habitual liar and I can't trust her. She makes up stories about people and passed them onto others and these are HARMFUL stories. Her dad likes to say: "all kids lie," but I disagree, maybe they lie about brushing their teeth, but these are hurtful lies. For example: her mom picked her up and my SD make a big stink about her outfit that she was wearing & then told her mom that I picked out the outfit she forced her to wear it... ok, so her father and I didn't even go upstairs to get an outfit for her, we told her to go into her room and pick one out... then she goes and tells her biomom some ridiculous story. 
 

help, I don't trust her and I honestly love when she goes to her moms for the weekend. 

Winterglow's picture

For the record, kids only lie when they haven't been taught not to. If his daughter lies, it's because his parenting has been severely lacking. Time he upped his game. 

Rags's picture

My DW always had full physical and legal custody of my SS.  We met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.  

Raising someone else's child is really not a natural thing in  most cases and can be quite infuriating on many levels.  I had no failed family progeny and my DW and I  have never had an "ours" baby.  So my level of frustration was at most a fraction of the complexity that  you deal with.

I would immediately adopt a zero tolerance and immediate call out policy on her lies with immediate follow up with anyoine she propegated her bullshit with. To SD - "You are liar and full of shit. From now on you will be required to call those who you lie to and tell them the truth while either your father or I supervise that you actually do it and that you tell the truth.  We will follow  up to be sure that those you speak to know that we are holding  your accountable for your lies, etc...."

To her victims - "(Skid) is a liar and told you XYZ & LMNOP which is not true. Please be aware that she cannot be trusted to tell the truth and if what she is spouting does not pass the smell test please give me or her father a call to verify the truth"d

Lather........... rinse................ repeat.

 

ESMOD's picture

So mom gives her daugher flack on her outfit and she throws you under the bus for it?  Honestly, kids are inclined to curry favor and lie to get out of trouble...which is exactly what that was.  She should have had some consequence from her dad for being untruthful about that.

Ki2619's picture

Both of my skids (sd12 and ss14) lie about the dumbest crap to avoid getting in trouble. I can see them do something and they will say they haven't done it. When I approach dh he says he will talk to them. Naturally they lie to him. They also live with us full time and visit bm occasionally. I've finally given up. He can raise liars who are disrespectful but it doesn't reflect on me anymore. I won't even be alone with them at this point. I don't know why it's so hard to parent. My son is 17. We have zero issues. I haven't parented him his whole life and he's about to go away to college and is responsible, works, and takes care of things with a little guidance from me. I've told dh not parenting them is going to come back to bite him in the ass later on and I'm not going to stick around and watch it. I love him but I'll be enjoying the beach or taking trips by myself while he has his grown ass adult children living with him because they can't hold a job.