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Step Daughter wants me out!!

kdills112017's picture

I live in a blended family with 2 stepchildren, one of my own, and one together with my husband. My stepson about 6 months ago decided to play the in laws against me by telling them that I was lying on him and i got mad anytime they wanted to have anything to do with them. This is turn started a war between me and the entire family on my husbands side. Needless to say I was the outcast for a good month. Well now my stepdaughter is starting in on me but with my husband instead of my in-laws. She proceeded to tell him that I talk to her like she is stupid (I fuss at her when wrong), I lie about her (which I don't, he has seen evidence in my claim), and she is tired of being treated that way and doesn't want to be in the same house as me. 

Now let me explain my stepkids can do no wrong when it comes to their grandparents so that is a lost cause and I have never had the best relationship in the 3 years I have been around them. My husband on the other hand its a little different because my stepson is always being called out but my stepdaughter does no wrong. She is the only girl and before I came around she was the woman of the house and has always had her daddy wrapped around her finger.

To give a little background on mine and her relationship, she was 9 when I came into the picture. We have always gotten along because I have boys and this was my time to do girly things. I threw her a huge 10th birthday while I was 8 months pregnant, I regularly would let her get her nails done (acrylic nails), I let her wear things her mammaw would not necessarily approve of, and the list goes on. Everything was awesome! Skip forward a couple years and she is turning 12 and starting middle school. This is when her whole attitude changed, she didn't want to help around the house or with her little brother, she never came out of her room,etc. The typical teenage girl attitude. I expected this to be a hard road because I am very head strong and voice my opinion when I have one. Her dad then began to notice the laziness and attitude and started to get onto her but it just never got better. 

Fast forward to last night I pick her up from the middle school football game and she is the very last one out. I simply ask her why and she immediately gets defensive so i don't say anything else. My husband then ask me as soon as I get home why it took me so long to get home. I proceeded to tell him she was the last one out. He then corrected her and she just broke down and went on a whole rant of how she can't stand to be in the same house as me. So now I have been outcasted until "I make it right". 

I'm at a complete loss at this point because I think me correcting her as a parent has been completely overexaggerated and everyone is hanging on every dramatic word

Please tell me I'm not alone!!

Thisisnotus's picture

disengage 100 percent from her. Don't parent her, don't correct her,don't give her rides, don't make her food, don't clean up after her......say hello and good-bye and that is IT. Let her dad do it all.......it isn't your responsibility.

And her dad continues to let her act like a jerk....tell him to take a hike.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It sounds as if everyone (including you) spoiled this girl, and now you're surprised she's being a manipulative brat. She's using the power everyone's given her against you, the outsider.

You have three options: get on the same page with your H to take back the power and parent this girl appropriately; disengage completely from her and stop  walking on eggshells; take your bios and leave.

Lastly, I just have to express that I don't think it's a good idea to allow this particular 12 yo girl to be out at a football game unsupervised. Kids her age can get into all sorts of trouble, and the fact that she was the last one out seems suspicious.