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Step daughter spoilt by her grandmother

Sarah1234's picture

I have a 9 nearly 10 year old step daughter who stays with us every other weekend, I also have a 2 and a half year old boy and a 1 and a half year old girl. Every time we have my S.D stay she comes with new toys from my partners mum, my children are biologically his and although they don't make a fuss they can see she has new toys which my children are not allowed to touch, this might sound petty but she also gets pocket money, stays there over night, trips to the cinema, creams and god knows what else, I'm at a point where I resent this child coming over as the atmosphere changes and my boy only ever cries in his sleep when she's here! She takes over the house and rearranges my ornaments, bathroom, cutlery draw to how she likes! I can't bear being in the house when she's here. She constantly boasts what "nannies" bought her whilst my kids get naff all and if they do get something it's secondhand! I literally do not know where to turn, my partner ignores it and says it doesn't matter, I have no family of my own around as they live over 150 miles away. I can't bear my kids feeling insecure and loved less as they get older! Any advice on what todo? 

GSF300's picture

I'm experiencing the same thing...SD3 gets everything she wants, toys, treats, trips to different places on a CONSTANT basis. Its always something new. And if we don't have something Daddy and "GSF300" have to go to the store and buy it for me.

We do not run our house hold like that. Period. At all. The most she gets thats new outside of special occasions and holidays is clothing because she is growing like a weed.

Have your SO put his foot down!! The ball is in his court, its your household do not let a 10 year old run it! She may be young but they know what they can get away with and how to be manipulative. Have your SO nip this crap in the butt now!

ESMOD's picture

why is the girl going to see her grandmother and your kids who are also her grandchildren not going?

Is grandma trying to make up for something?

I think I would be talking to my DH about HIM setting boundaries with his mother and explaining to her how her preferential treatment is noticed and hurting her other grandkids.

 

GoingWicked's picture

My MIL does this too, but there’s less of an age difference between our kids.  It started fights between our kids (they would be upset with SD because she got toys or whatever, not MIL—who is the problem) so we cut visits to see grandma.

I’d wait until your kids are older to put up a fuss, when there is actual proof that MIL is causing issues.

Sarah1234's picture

I've talked to my partner about speaking to his mum and he starts an argument and doesn't speak to me for ages. The S.D has a huge family that live close to her, my kids have us and his parents. Mil sneaks these gifts to her, she drove to her house and met her outside to give the last few gifts, we went on a day out once and S.D was taken to the gift shop before we went around the farm and sneakily bough gifts that were hidden from me until S.D decided to boast and showed me! I'm at my wits end with this, every other week it's just too much! S.D knows it upsets me and winds me up with it then teases my kids with her new toys, walking around my house like she's the queen of the castle! My partner can't tell her off I front of his mum, she stole a doll from my daughter and since then has been bought 5 of these particular dolls. She leaves the toilet door open with poop down it, my 2 year old ended up with her poop squished between his fingers, she put wee'd knickers down behind my sons pillow and they wasn't found until his bed was moved! I've had enough, I feel like I'm going crazy but it's only when she's about.

Winterglow's picture

I really don't see why he can't reprimand her appalling behaviour just because his mum is there. He's the child's father, he's supposed to be a figure of authority.

Sarah1234's picture

everytime his does infront of mil the S.D cuddles into her and he's told "she won't do it again!" Then she's given money for toy machines if we're out or nice treats if we're in. Doesn't make sense! I can't take much more, she went home on Sunday and I still feel angry, because I've made a point about her being favouritised mil is now not speaking to me, I can't win but I'm just a mum protecting MY children.

Curious Georgetta's picture

suffer because the grandmother has a "favored ' grandchild.

Many very normal people grow up in families where the feel of have felt  that one child may have been favored .

The step daughter likey  knows that you do not care for her, and your children likely know that your feelings about them are different from the feelings about their sister.

All of these children , albeit from different sources, are learning the same life lesson.  They are learning that for varying reasons people can and do will not always feel the same about them.

Grandmother likely feels that her granddaughter is short changed in time spent with her father. She gives the child gifts as her way of trying to compensate. Your kids have their father full time; she has no need to compensate them.

It is and should not be of any concern to you what the daughter receives from her maternal relatives. That is not an issue that has any place in your household.

Why not ask grandma to keep her gifts at her home? This will prevent your kids from becoming jealous or bothered.

Don't sweat the small things. Life is certain to bring bigger issues your way. 

 

beebeel's picture

Oh please. If the SMs kids were the ones showered with gifts and the COD was left to listen to the brats brag about it, you would be screeching your dysfunctional head off.

sunshinex's picture

My MIL prefers SD over our son (who is also her biological grandchild) so we do not see or talk to her. 

We mentioned a couple times that it is unfair to treat them differently, but she didn't change her ways, so she's been cut out of their life. 

I mean, sure, it might be controversial to kick family out of your life, but if they are hurting one of your children, it's actually a pretty easy choice to make. 

She wasn't near as obvious and cruel as this woman in your situation is being, but we still weren't going to tolerate her comments in front of both kids about "SD will always be my favourite" or her buying small gifts for SD but not our son. 

Rags's picture

Lock this kid down she invades your home. She touches nothing, moves nothing, and she integrates into your home and family and not the other way around.  As for the toys.... inform GrandHag that none of the toys she gives the SD come to your home unless age appropriate equivelent toys come for the  younger two.  

End of problem.

Ignoring this kind of crap solves nothing. Confronting it fixes it. Or at least drives it underground where you and  your young ones do not have to see it.

IMHO of course.