You are here

Step daughter lying

Lucykp2's picture

Hi guys,

This is my first post on here so I’m not sure of the correct lingo! If someone could fill me in that would be great.
So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 months. He has a 6 year old daughter and a 3 year old daughter.
Both love me and we all have a great relationship. Sometimes, his 6 year old can get jealous, and because of this she pushes me away and doesn’t want to interact with me. Other times she’s all over me and doesn’t want her daddy.

We had a lot of issues with her telling quite extensive lies over the past 6 months or so, that were becoming a problem. Anyway, on Monday night I went to help her wipe after the toilet (she should be doing it on her own anyway) and she refused to let me. She wanted her daddy. So I picked up the tissue she put on the floor and put it on her lap, then called her dad. He came up, and she said “daddy, Lucy just threw this tissue at me” obviously, this was a total lie. I went in and asked her if I threw it, she burst into tears as she always does when she lies.
I didn’t feel any support from my boyfriend. He stood in silence and let me speak to her, but then afterwards didn’t deal with it, in a way I think he should.
So I went home.
He claims after I went, he dealt with it. But I’m just hurt by the situation. He has since apologised and said he should have dealt with it

Anyway, my question is, I take her swimming on Fridays just me and her. And I’d like to speak to her about it. She’s gone home to her mum and told her, but said she didn’t think she lied etc. So I don’t want to confuse her further. But actually I feel I need to speak to her myself instead of brushing it under the carpet.

twoviewpoints's picture

stop going into the bathroom with this little girl. Her father/mother need to crash course this one to properly wipe herself between the two homes. No one wipes her buns for her when she's at school , she's getting too old for Dad to be in there helping her, she doesn't want you to be and if you continue to try now that she objects it could become accusations of inappropriate touching.

Yeah, I know, you're worrying about lying over throwing toilet tissue, but I'm telling you that could be the least of your worries. 

Lucykp2's picture

Thanks for the support. 

yes you are right. Although it’s second nature at the moment for me to just help, i suppose if she has the nature of lying I need to consider it. 

I bath them, put them to bed , dress them etc regularly so I was really shocked by it all. 

But yes totally agree. She KNOWS how to wipe her own bum!!! 

tog redux's picture

NO, don't address it yourself - but as twoviewpoints said, dial back your help in the loo.  Tell Dad you are no longer comfortable helping (and it's not your job anyway).

beebeel's picture

I would stop doing the "just me and her" stuff at all until the lying is addressed and stopped.

ESMOD's picture

I think it's too late to effectively address it.  Too much time has elapsed for a 6 year old to really get the benefit of the discussion.

Now.. as I know now... a 5/6 year old knows how to wipe their own hiney.  I know this because the first time I took my YSD to the BR when I was on an outing with my DH.. his younger daughter told me I had to wipe her butt.. of course.. he told me when we came out that was NOT true and he scolded her for telling me that.  I also told her in a semi joking manner that I hoped she was going to still think it was funny when I told every boyfriend she ever had later in life.. lol.

And I have told every single boy she has ever dated that even if she says she needs help.. she really does know how to wipe her own butt.

She seems to be testing out some behaviors that you and your BF need to deal with firmly and directly.  If she lies.. you call her on it and tell her right then that good girls don't lie.. etc.. if she continues to escalate.. she gets a time out etc..

Lucykp2's picture

Yeah I think I agree about it being too late


she’s so bright for 6, and I know she will be thinking about it tomorrow when I get her. I can’t help but be so mad right now

Java_Junkie's picture

Seems to me the older one was enjoying the attention and hasn't been getting the one-on-one she craves since the 3-year-old came along, so she's regressing. Now that YOU came onto the scene, YOU are getting daddy's attention as well, so this is something she's having to figure out.

Help her to figure it out, I suppose. She's still awesome - just like her sister is, and just like you are - and NOW, there are THREE young ladies to keep daddy happy. Would that pitch work?