Starting a conversation with "hey dad..." or "mom...."

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This may sound like an odd question, and I'm not going to state my side so that I can get unbiased answers.

Been married for 4 years, I have one daughter at home, my wiffe has 2 daughters at home.

One of us believes that when one of the girls comes in and says something to the effect of "hey mom....", or "dad....", that this is a private conversation and the other parent is not a part of the conversation and should leave the room if convenient. The other of us believes that is just how they start conversations, and nothing in that particular conversation is private.

Curious to see others opinions on this.

mr.

I would assume

That kid is going to be asking permission for something. Like if I walk up to my boss at the elevator, with 3 or people there, and say, Heah Chris, do you need that memo today? Does not mean anyone has to leave the room

The one who thinks it's

The one who thinks it's private and they should leave is weird. What if the kid just wants to ask if the parent has seen their *whatever* that they can't find?

I would say that a good share

I would say that a good share of the time the kid isn't "asking" for anything. Most of the time it's just chatting.

No. The other person doesn't

No. The other person doesn't need to leave unless the kid asks for privacy. Your wife is being silly.

Don't need to leave

I see no reason why the other parent should leave the room. If my daughter wants to talk to me privately, she will ask if we can talk privately. I don't think that addressing one or the other, means it is for their ears only...

Maybe I'm dense, but unless

Maybe I'm dense, but unless the kid says "Hey can I speak to you in private?" I'm going to figure it's a public conversation.

You aren't dense, one of them

You aren't dense, one of them has very a very weird perspective, IMO.

That's how I'd read it too.

I would not think that is the

I would not think that is the prelude to a private conversation. That would be "Hey [Mom][Dad], could I talk to you privately about something?"

Yeah, that's what I thought

Yeah, that's what I thought too. It bugs my wife that my D comes in the room and starts her conversation with "hey dad....". Her girls do the same thing, but she just doesn't see that.

I just want to see if I wasn't seeing things the same as others.

IMO, if an H and W are

IMO, if an H and W are sitting in a room and a skid walks in seeking a private convo, the parent and their bio should leave the room. The other adult should not be expected to leave/be inconvenienced. They are an adult in the home, and should be treated with respect and consideration.

I think whoever's child

I think whoever's child comes into a room where there is more than 1 person and wants to have a private conversation should perhaps be taught that there is a time and place to have these conversations.

Unless it's SUPER urgent, there's no reason to interrupt a room to have a "private" conversation. The kid should be taught time management and respect rather than be taught that it's ok to disinclude someone byexpecting them to leave just for the sake of disincluding them and calling it "privacy"... private conversations wait until both parties are alone. Not... let's go over here to discuss this trivial thing just because I don't want HER to hear me ask you where my stuff is...

Like when my daughter needs to talk about her birth control. She catches me coming out of the bathroom, or while I'm alone in the kitchen...or texts me. Or she'll ask if we can talk a few minutes before I go to bed. She doesn't barge in and expect my husband to leave...she was raise better than to think she's the center of the universe.

Just my opinion of course.

So essentially the energy

So essentially the energy in the house is "what the hell are THEY doing here taking up space, breathing our air, and potentially hearing the sound of my voice as I speak about completely mundane issues - I feel so VIOLATED by their presence!" Been there. Stand your ground and if you are so unwelcome then so is your money for paying more than your per capita share of the mutul bills and your car for taking them anywhere.

If this is meant to be a private conversation

then You would say “hey mom/dad, can i ask you something in private please?” Then off to a private area..

this is basic language skills and manners.... or are some people dumb enough to not understand that

Just on the face of it, when

Just on the face of it, when a kid comes in the room and says "hey dad or mom..." it doesn't necessarily mean that the question or discussion is "private". HOWEVER, it does not necessarily mean that the non-parent needs to actively participate in the discussion.

EX... a SS could come in the room and say "Hey Dad, the coach said I need to practice catching the ball, can you help me? or SD could come in and say "Hey Mom, can I go to Mary's later?"

Those things don't need the SP to exit the room, but neither do they need the SP to get involved with the conversation.

Now, there could be times that the SP might need to like if the child asks where something is and the bioparent has no clue, but the SP does know. IE.. Dad, have you seen my Ipad? Dad: "Nope.. I haven't seen it" SP: "I saw it by the back door on the dryer yesterday".

Or... if the kid is asking for something like a large item of value or a big favor that will mean the SP is impacted in some way.. but then again... the Bioparent should KNOW to not give the kid an answer about something like that without a private discussion with their spouse.

Now, of course, don't be obtuse... if your SD comes in the room and starts talking about her period.. yeah.. maybe you should have a reasonable expectation to take that as a clue that you don't need to listen to that.. but generally that kind of stuff should be prefaced with "can I talk to you in private".. and the bio parent and the kid should go somewhere private.. not expect the other people in the room to disappear.

None of these conversations

None of these conversations are "private" conversations. Private conversations are handled differently. These are just simple things (ie: "Hey dad, I got my English test back today and I got a 98%", or "hey mom, lacrosse practice got changed").

I see it as just getting the parents attention, not an exclusion of the other parent. Both her kids and my kids do it all the time and I see it as very normal daily operation.

If this is the case then.. NO

If this is the case then.. NO.. the Step parent does NOT need to leave the room. But, neither do they have to engage in the conversation if they aren't addressed. But, a "wow, that's great" from a SP that isn't totally alienated and disengaged from the child should be fine.

Just curious why anyone would think they would be expected to leave the room? that's not normal thinking.

It's a petty thing but I

It's a petty thing but I totally understand your wife's irritation. Generally, it's a normal way for a kid to address a parent, but specifically in your situation, it might not be.

Try to see it through your wife's eyes...

If you're the stepmom already on the kid's shit list and the kid makes that clear to you all the time, it's impossible not to see what SD's doing as just another slight.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Have you considered that? Have you really considered that maybe your kid IS sending a slight to your wife and it's so subtle that you can't see it? I bet you just can't even imagine your little baby girl doing something so manipulative...can you?

That doesn't mean your precious baby girl isn't doing exactly what your wife thinks she's doing.

If you were the Brady Bunch, I doubt your wife would think it's rude. Clearly, there are other issues brewing, whether you see them or not. Remember how much passive aggression is roilling under the surface and only detected by the target -- that's what make passive aggression so powerful. Just think about this issue with that in mind. Maybe there's a whole war going on right under your nose and you're not seeing it by choice or because you just can't imagine your little girl being someone's nightmare.