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Standing up to BM

STEP--MOM--1's picture

I am having a hard time understanding why my husband NEVER stands up to his ex. She seriously makes everything an issue. We pay full chil support but have ss 17 days out of the month. We buy clothes for play and school, etc. I think we go above and beyond to take care of child. We never get our clothes back, she often forgets to send homework to our house so we are left chasing around trying to figure out what he needs on the nights he's with us. But my husband won't say a thing to her. If he does its in an overly nice apologetic way. I think she verbally abused him for so long that he is scared yo stand up to her but it is starting to affect our relationship. I would love advice from anyone who has gone through this and how they finally got their husbands to stand up to their ex.

robin333's picture

Tell him that you are turned off by him being used as a doormat. It worked for me.

What are you wanting him to stand up to BM about?

STEP--MOM--1's picture

Everything I guess. First I want him to ask her not to contact me. When she does she is disrespectful and I'm tired of it. Second supposedly she makes more money than the two of us combined. We have step son more than her and provide for him daily clothes etc. I want him to revisit these arrangements. At very least I want him to ask her to let us claim ss on taxes every other year.

robin333's picture

If you have SS more than BM, take her back to court and get CS reduced and request alternating claiming SS on taxes.

Can you just block her number and not respond to BM at all?

Tell DH that you will not be communicating with BM and that it is time to revisit the arrangements since things have changed.

STEP--MOM--1's picture

I have asked my husband to go back to court and try and make the co different to where it is fair to what the situation is but he's so afraid of her taking his son I guess that he won't. I will look into blocking her I'm not sure how to do that.

momjeans's picture

Raises hand.

My DH was verbally abused by his ex during their marriage and tolerated it for years after they separated. During those years BM still had him by the balls and he often stated to me he didn't want to piss her off because he was afraid she'd keep SK from him. Not going to lie. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get him to make a turnaround.

Once he dug his heels in the sand, took her to court regarding shared custody and in general started standing up for himself -- parental alienation began. She came back around riiiiight before their court date, though, so she didn't even get a slap on the hand for all those months of PA.

You've received all the advice you need by others:
Disengage. I'm disengaged. It has saved our marriage, this far.
Block her phone # on your phone. She has ZERO business contacting you. My DH has BM blocked too. It has to all go through email. If you have an iPhone, there's a tab under her phone # in your contacts.
He HAS to take her back to court to remedy these issues. She may lose her freaking mind between now and court date. Just roll with it. Document everything.