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SS taking photos of new baby to take home to BM?

T.O.'s picture

Hi all, this is way ahead of time as DH & I have just started trying for our first baby but SS stresses me so much that I'm already worrying about something ... and I hope you ladies already having kids of your own may have some answers.
SS is now turning 11 and is starting to take photos on his ipod which is from his BMs house so it goes back home with him. He visits about every 4th -6th weekend. Currently photos are of him or outdoors, but I'm thinking he may want to take photos of a future dd or ds (really hoping for dd as dh 'been there, done that' with ss - but that's a whole other story on it's own).

BM lives 3 hours away and I have 0 contact with her and DH has minimal contact with her focused on drop off/pick up times. She's a stranger to me who makes tries to make life difficult as much as she can-i.e. she's the reason SS doesn't come over more often as she'll make up an excuse last minute of shy she can't bring him to meet DH when she knows there are fun plans for him. I'm hardly around unless there's a planned activity when SS comes and DH & I can hardly say a word around him as we know he repeats everything back to BM like a little parrot. Not his fault so there's nothing to say about that, it is what it is.

So, how do I prevent SS from taking photos of future dd/ds to take home to BM? How have any of you handled this? It's creepy and eerie to think of this stranger who if it hadn't been for 1 'oops' wouldn't be around and only means my family harm, perusing photos of something as precious as a baby. She always wants to know everything about me - i know since ss tells us, he's very candid.

Help! I know I need to approach the subject carefully with DH when the time comes, any info/suggestions welcome.


*Tried posting this yesterday but I don't think it worked ... just in case you see it twice*

somedevilishbeauty's picture

would you be able to just delete the pictures from your home before he leaves? just explain to him that it makes you feel uncomfortable and if he wants a picture of his brother or sister you could have one put in his room at your house????

livia007's picture

You could ask him not to take any pictures of the child, and ask everyone else so your stepson is not singled out. But don't ask him not to show the pictures to his mother. It would not be cool to have the 11 year old aware of and in the center of an issue you have with his mother. How are you handling digital pictures that are posted to facebook or emailed to family? Inevitably, those are viewed by other people.

T.O.'s picture

Definitely won't bring up to not tell BM - we would never tell him not to tell his mom anything .. as much as we would love to! Smile For sure if I go the route of making sure any photos are deleted we just say it's everyone, the idea isn't to make him feel bad at all. Baby won't be on FB or any public sites, same as DH, so SS bringing photos home would be the only way of her 'entering' our lives in this way.

chleonie's picture

I totally understand your privacy issues. I am the same way. I even have the BM and her husband blocked on facebook so that that do not have any window into our lives. There is only so much you can control though. My DH and I were building our house last May and we found out that the BM's parents took themselves on a home tour without our permission! Where do these people come from!! :?

christinen's picture

I-m so happy I like this idea! If she is anything like my SD's BM, that will cause her to go NUTS with jealousy!!

T.O.'s picture

LOL Love this! I'll just happen to be wearing a casually sexy outfit with perfect hair & makeup @ home Wink

@fightincrazytrain - you're right, I can't control everything (i know, guess it helps to be reminded :-))but that's awesome idea to always have family shots go home .. and I do think she'll end up deleting all/some .. right after her head stops spinning (think exorcist style)

asnoraford's picture

I have a ss about the same age. While it does sometimes make me feel a little uncomfortable about the pictures he might share with his BM because of "our" history, I do know that they are going to be brother and sister. He is going to want to take pictures of her, and he is going to be excited to share those pictures with the ones he loves. I don't want to take away his excitement about that. I will definitely make sure that I ask him to respect certain things, and will work to maneuver certain pictures so that material things and certain views of our home are not visible in the pics - she would have a field day with that!

Rags's picture

I would say that rather than worrying about what SS might could possibly do engage with him on the topic of you and his dad having another child. You may find that there is nothing to worry about.

Generally I do not see anything but positives to a kid taking pics of his family and younger sibs. If he shows them to others then that is also a good thing.

Relax and enjoy.


T.O.'s picture

Thanks all for the super constructive feedback, will try & relax & prepare for the week long Christmas visit. I see a lot of gym & errand running in my future Dirol