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SS 15 forgot stuff here…..

Biostep7777's picture

HCBM messages DH and demands he leaves work to drop of SS's retainer and AirPods that helps forgot to pack from our house. What would you do??

Biostep7777's picture

Edit: that meant to say "that he forgot to pack" 

HCBM packs for them so they expect us to do the same. If something is forgotten it's our fault according to her. I'm sorry but by 15 we will not pack for him and remind him to bring his items. We have ourselves, 4 kids and 2 dogs in this house. We expect the teenagers to be responsible for their things. 

Ursula's picture

I'd tell BM to feel free to come pick them up when she has time and they'll be in a bag on the porch.

Biostep7777's picture

I feel like SS15 needs to figure out how he is going to get his stuff. I'm sick to death of this! DH does 100% of the transportation. She does zero. Then she expects him to run over there during work hours because the man child forgot something. Omfg!! 

oh and she texted him about this! She's only supposed to text if it's sn emergency. His freaking retainers is NOT an emergency!!!! 

CastleJJ's picture

Your DH needs to tell BM that SS is 15 years old. If he forgets something at your house, either BM is responsible to pick it up or SS waits until the next visitation to get it. Airpods and a retainer are hardly emergencies. This kid is not 4 - he is responsible for his own belongings. Do NOT under any circumstances bring BM SS' belongings, not during work hours, after work hours, nothing. 

CastleJJ's picture

My SS (who was 5 at the time) once forgot his coat (a coat that DH bought SS) in the back of DH's car during a pick up. We didn't realize it until BM texted DH that night asking where it was. BM demanded that DH drive the one hour round-trip drive at 10 p.m. to bring SS back the coat. DH told BM that it was accidentally forgotten, to have SS use a backup coat, and that we would give the coat back to SS when we saw him in 2 DAYS! Plus, it was spring time and the predicted weather was like 60° so hardly full winter coat weather. BM said that this was unacceptable because she didn't have a backup coat for SS (only the coat we had, which we bought for SS and sent home with him). DH told BM too bad and that it wasn't DH's fault that BM didn't have a back up coat or jacket (especially with the hefty CS DH was paying).

BM freaked out for 3 hours via text, threatening to call CPS on DH for neglect, using the "my whole family cannot believe you are doing this to poor SS" card to try to guilt DH, threatening to withhold visitation because DH is clearly a threat, and bashing all of DH's mistakes made throughout his entire life. DH said if BM wanted the coat, they could meet halfway somewhere in the morning to get it or she could come pick it up, but that otherwise, SS would get the coat back in two days. Of course BM would refuse these options because it wasn't BM's fault (yet BM didn't have a backup coat) and she expected DH to drive the full distance to drop it off. DH just ignored BM and the next day, he went to SS' daycare, picked up SS, took him out to lunch, gave him the coat, and took him back. While BM was happy that DH went out of his way to get SS the coat back, she was then mad that DH took SS out of daycare and out to lunch without her approval. You can never win with these HCBMs. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your DH should only send a screen shot of the part of the order BM is violating (texting only in an emergency). Don't cave to her crazy, just be an unemotional brick wall.

Father can contact son AFTER WORK about the forgotten items. Don't reward Stacy McKrazy's attempt to boundary stomp & assert control by playing her game on her time line.


nengooseus's picture

We've been at this shared custody thing for almost 10 years, at this point.  SSs were 3 and almost 8 when DH and HCBM split.  

Anything not done as HCBM wants it done is an issue, so forgotten items have always been an issue.  I remember one night, SS was about 10 and forgot Flonase at our house after an evening return to Mom's.  HCBM blew up DH's phone for hours with demands that he bring it over right that second.  DH offered to drop it off the next day, which started the allegations of neglect, etc.  He reminded HCBM that this was an over the counter medication and offered to leave it on the porch for her to pick up.  That wasn't her job.  She's done the exact same thing with SS now 12, including recently.  DH has learned to ignore her drama.  If it's HCBM's custodial time, she needs to figure out how to manage whatever SS forgot.

Biostep7777's picture

Exactly! When SS forgets something here DH is expected to go there and drop it off. When SS forgets something at her house DH is expected to go there and pick it up. Lol!!! 

shamds's picture

No i will not leave work now as this job is what pays for cs/alimony and at 15yrs old, ss is at least 5 yrs past being responsible for packing his own bag." 

Heck, even my 5 yr old daughter with speech delays can pack her own bag when we leave the house with her comfort items

Merry's picture

My own DD was a scatterbrain about her own stuff. How do you think she learned to be more responsible? Natural consequences. Neither her Dad nor I would rescue her if she forgot stuff at the other parent's house (and we lived about 10 miles apart) or at school. She learned some hard lessons. But she did learn to be more organized.

Your DH is doing the right thing.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yep. How did we learn not to forget things? By the giant pain in the butt we had to deal with as a consequence. Kids are never going to start remembering things if you keep running them back to them. 

Loxy's picture

We have the same issue with my skids. They are lazy and unorganised and have no motivation to become so as BM runs around after them dropping stuff off and picking stuff up.

We do not do any last minute running around for the skids and will only consider picking something up for them if they give us reasonable notice ie not in the mornings as we are getting ready to rush out the door. 

We live very close to BM (ie 2 mins away) and I wish that wasn't the case. Because if we lived further away, I doubt BM would be willing to do what she does and it would force the kids to get responsible. 

Biostep7777's picture

Omg now she's saying it's a required medical device and she's concerned that DH is not viewing this as a necessity. Lol 

didn'tsignupforapunk's picture

That is complete and total bull. Braces are a cosmetic thing, not a medical need.  Tell her he's 15 and way too old to be diapered. What does HCBM stand for?

hereiam's picture

now she's saying it's a required medical device

Then, she best bring SS over so that he can pick it up. I mean, if it's such a medical necessity, she should have no problem with that, right?

Rags's picture

"They will be here when he visits next time. If they are critical, and air pods are not critical, get in your car and come get them.  Call 5mins before you arrive and they will be at the curb for you to pick up.  This is a great teaching moment for the kid to learn to be responsible for the retainer and other belongings. Buh-bye!"


Biostep7777's picture

That's what he did then she ran over to get his stuff then messaged DH about how concerned she is that he would ever suggest he wait until next time since it's a "required medical device". BAAAAAHAHAHA!!!! Completely idiotic. 

Rags's picture

Or a retainer? 

Neither are a required medical advice. The retainer certainly should not be forgotten.  But, it is not a required medical device. An insulin pump, is a required medical device. etc...

At worst a week without a retainer will give the kid a headache as the teeth are forced back into position. But required?  Nope.  The head ache and sore teeth might just drive home the lesson to not forget the retainer.