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Sports above all else?

Biostep7777's picture

I'm getting so irritated. BM packs on the sports and it's completely taken over. SS does travel team so he's going out of town in a few weeks. SS who does rec team has an in town game. So, since BM has right of first refusal, DH is going to take SS and other SS is going to stay back with BM. We were actually thinking of all going, watching SS game one day then doing something as a family on the time off. However, the kids know they need to please their mother so SS will say he rather stay home and go to his game instead of us all going on a trip which is so sickening. Also, BM told the judge that DH didn't take the boys to sports in all of 2019 so they judge ordered that DH is to take them to sports. That was a huge lie! Not only did he take them, he was SS's COACH. She literally lied to the judge's face and because we had no proof to dispute it (of course we had no idea she would lie like that so why would we have proof he took them) so now what? Does sports come before anything else? Before family? I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of her using sports to manipulate our time. Grrrrr! Court might still be 6 months away. I'm so annoyed by it all. 

Biostep7777's picture

I know! I get it. I think it just annoys me that we know she's doing this to have control over our lives and she's getting her way. It feels like she's in control and I don't like it. I'm upset that she lied to the judge and got away with it. We have so much proof that DH took then to their sports but we had no idea she would lie like that so didn't prepare for that. Obviously when we go back to court we will have all that documentation. The only sports he didn't take them to us the one she signed them up for without DH's agreement and we had made plans in several of the dates already. Otherwise he takes them to everything. 

tog redux's picture

I know, that's the part to not let eat you up, because control is her goal and will be forever.  Either enjoy the time with just your kids, or all of you without Other SS go for the weekend and have fun.  

Remember, Living Well Is The Best Revenge.  It really is - letting her get to you is playing right into her hands. 

ESMOD's picture

I would echo Tog's sentiment.  Enjoy your time with your kids.

Personally, I think I could totally understand that the kid with the In town game would want to go to his in town event.. and if his dad is out of town.. that kind of defeats the purpose of his visitation (reason why people ask for ROFR).  I know you could have made it a "thing" to all go to the out of town game with his other son.. but you could still do that with your kids if you chose?  

 

Biostep7777's picture

Oldest SS doesn't even like baseball. He does it because his mom wants him to. When she asked he said no at first. She pushed it and he said "ok I will do it if you want me to" he is sooooooo not into sports! He loves to cook, he loves to read. How about a cooking class or book club? But baseball?? Why? Because it takes up the most time and ensures that she can be around all weekend. They do not go against their mother. They know better. The place they are having the out of town game? He loves it there. We know 100% he rather go. But, he will say he doesn't because that is what mommy dearest expects. Yeah, we might all still go but at this point I think it may be best to just let the two of them go and have a dad/son trip. Youngest SS actually does like baseball though. I mean, he would like rec team just as much as travel team but she pushes for travel because it takes up the entire weekend rather then just one game on the weekend. Poor kid. His arm is cracking all the time. He plays for hours a day. It's crazy to me. 

CallMeCrazy's picture

Well, even when it was just my bios, if one had an out of area event (several years of travel teams) and another kiddo had a local game, then one would stay behind and the other would go.

I don't think it's "sports above all else," but rather meetings obligations.

Rags's picture

To placate BM the SKids will say they would "rather" stay with her.

Sigh.

These are kids, they don't get to "rather" shit on dad's COd time with them.

DH needs to roll up a copy of the CO and beat the snot out of BM and the kids any time they pull this crap and drag BM to court on contempt motion after contempt motion while the boys are given clarity that BM crap will be met with as much pan and suffering as possible through application fo the terms of the CO.

 

Biostep7777's picture

The problem is she's has right of first refusal for overnights. DH will be out of town with youngest so she gets oldest because he has a game in town. 

Rags's picture

Yep, if it is dad's time and dad wants his parents to have his child on his COd time while he is on an out of town business trip... I would not tell the X crap. FROR or not.  Ditto for mom's time if dad has FROR.  There are any humber of scenarios where FROR is really irrelevent when the kid is on COd visitation time with the other parent who chooses for their kid to do things with friends and family even when that parent may be out of town.  Sleep overs at friends or family's home, camping trips with friends, weekends at the GPs, etc...

Too late.. is also a thing.  A judge is not likely to make a big deal over FROR not being offered once that over night has passed.  "Your honor, my child spent the night with my parents on my visitation time." Let a toxic X whine, cry, and rant about "But I have FROR and X was out of town!"

IMHO TMI is a key consideration in blended visitation situations where the X does not need to know regardless of what the CO may say about things like over night FROR.