You are here

Sleeping on the couch!

BellaBee's picture

So, I am the stepmom of a 7 and half year old girl who permanently stays with her dad (mother not living in the same country).  I do not stay with them, but sleep over on Wednesdays and over weekends.  She is still sleeping in the same bed with her dad, meaning that on my stay-over days, there are three of us in the bed.  Not comfortable at all and not much sleep is happening.  The thing that makes this situation worse is she having sugar/sweets late afternoons.  This makes her very active during the night, crunching her teeth, kicking and punching in her sleep.  It escalated now in such a way that I started sleeping on the couch and now considering just visiting, not sleeping over any more.  I have talked about heaps of sugar and sweets to her father before and although he agrees it is not good for her, he still buys it. This I think is due to the fact that he works a lot and wants to make her 'happy' when he finally gets home.  I feel very angry and bitter inside, as, except from me not even being able to sleep next to my boyfriend (because she MUST sleep in the middle to prevent major drama) I now even have to go home to sleep in my own bed just to be able to actually get some sleep. 

I really love my boyfriend but we never have time to date or spend time alone - as his daughter is always present and makes a HUGE DRAMA when we just mention to spend some time without her.  The relationship feels redundant. I don't mind him having a daugther as baggage (and I do love her very much, we have a very good relationship) but now I have just gained a child and the responsibilities that go with that, without having a partner. We don't date, we sometimes sleep in the same bed, but not next to each other.  We might, if we feel brave enough to handle the DRAMA, spend one night away once or twice a year.

I feel stresed out and on the edge.  I really do not know what to do.  Sometimes I just feel like dropping the whole thing, but then I think children will get bigger and eventually out of our beds and houses, then I still have my stunning boyfriend/husband.  But is it worth it to sacrifice all this, for that one day?

fairyo's picture

There is a lot that isn't right here. First, why is she sleeping with her dad? Surely, when you stay over she should sleep on the couch? Or, better still, she should have a bed of her own at that age- maybe if he saved all the money he spends on sweets he could get her a decent bed!! This seems crazy to me that you are in a relationship were there is no intimacy between you at all. You say your SO is stunning? Yes, he's stunningly not your boyfriend- what is the point? There re plenty of stunning men out there if tht is all you want, but I would be looking for one who doesn't sleep with his daughter more than he sleeps with me!

BellaBee's picture

Thank you for your reply.  That is just the thing...she has a ROOM of her own, Barbie bed, TV everything!  We have been together for a year and a half now.  I am in the dark here...fearing that to make a stronger point about this, might not be my place to do this at this point. He is really a stunning man.  Raised his daughter all by himself from when she was born till now.  I just seem not to be able to find the line...should I demand change...or give it more he says he thinks about buying a larger bed...I am so confused. 

Harry's picture

When he doesn’t want to sleep and have fun with you in bed. Thensomrthing wrong with him.

you will never be First   She will will always be a mini wife    Move on

Rags's picture

He sleeps with a 7yo, expects you to sleep with the 7yo too.  He can't handle a pre-teen?  Really? And he expects a grown woman to tolerate his complete waste of parenting skin self?

Rethink what  you think is so wonderful about a supposed man who would allow this situation to happen and then go find a true adult.