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Sister who wants to marry a man with 10 kids

A_jay's picture

This is a little long but please bare with me.

I have a sister who's in love with a man who is married with 10 children. The youngest is 3 months. You did read that correctly. This man has no job and seems to have a baby factory set up with his current wife. To make matters worse, he is justifying (as my sister is) that he can marry my sister and keep his wife. This is fine under Islamic sharia law apparently. For the record, it is not. Only if the current wife is unable to bear children, has severe mental or physical handicap. I'm from a Muslim family.

My sister thinks this man is her knight in shining armour. She feels that the whole family is out to destroy her. We simply can't get through to her that marrying such an individual, who has 10 kids is no way to live life. The oldest child this man has is 16.

My sister is unmarried with no kids. I've told her the world is her oyster. She is an inspiration to me and is the smartest person I know.

Is there anyway she could make this marriage work? I think it's impossible. But that's why I'm here, in order to ask those who have experience in blended marriages. What do you make of all this?

Kes's picture

For a smart person, your sister is behaving as if she has totally lost her marbles. I can't see anyone on this forum thinking that this is ever going to work out, no matter what religion the people are.

prozac_nation's picture

That's a little TOO blended... :O

Ten kids, her, AND his WIFE.

I can't even fathom that.

A_jay's picture

Thanks for the responses so far. Is there anyway I can get through to her in order to stop her going through with it? What would you say to her knowing what you know?

And I absolutely agree. She is behaving completely irrationally. It's so painful to go through this so I'm just hoping to find some knowledge from members on this site.

A_jay's picture

To the first poster... I really wish I was lying or making this up, but I'm not.

giveitago's picture

Tell her that if he can move on so easily to her then he can move very easily from her to someone else and she'll be left stranded, taking care of his first wife and all the children!

A_jay's picture

He's not moving on. He's going to remain married and have my sister as his 2nd wife.

A_jay's picture

I said that. In fact, she responded with 'I don't care if he marries another woman after me, he's the one for me'. Nothing is getting through. I'm at the point where I want to tell her to just go ahead me do it. Never bother to speak with her again.

Not from Eygpt, actually from the land of tea, fish & chips, Mary Poppins... You get the picture.

giveitago's picture

Well, they'd have to travel to get married, bigamy is against the law in lands of opportunity! Tell me, does she have blue eyes and blonde hair? Give her a spoonfull of sugar and tell her to go carpet bag her a terrible man.

A_jay's picture

The first wife initially said she'd never accept her, then after her husband has a word she said it would be fine. This has been going on for 4 years now. Religion is a way both this guy and my sister are justifying their actions. Polygamy has no place in this day and age.

She is being more than stupid, in fact, she's behaving as if she's brainwashed. I asked her if she could find any fault with this guy, her response was 'He's perfect'. We all know that no one is perfect, especially men, I should know as I am one.

There is no such thing as a 'temporary marriage' in any culture or faith that I'm aware of.

A_jay's picture

You've basically hit the nail on the head when you wrote 'get my position off the table by trying to talk about it less'. My sister will not speak to anyone and wants to keep herself to herself. The only problem is that she'll be thinking about how great her life will be with her man.

We backed down before and it seems she still hasn't seen the light. That was 3 years ago. It's all come to surface now.

I mean 3 years ago this man had 8 children. Since then, he has had 2 more. What kind of individual is he??

A_jay's picture

She lives in the UK. How else would she find a man with 10 kids who is still surviving? The government supports them. She is over 30 so immaturity doesn't come into it, but she sure is behaving like a love struck teenager. I can understand why she would be happy with such an arrangement. Surely no man is worth marrying if he's never held down a job and has his children as a resume.

I have to accept the truth in what you said... There's no convincing her. Thank you for the advice and link. I passed it on.

A_jay's picture

My parents are really suffering from this. We are all trying to move heaven and earth for her not to go through with this ridiculous idea of hers. She works and has a steady income, she gives money to this guy and also is trying her best to bond with his children. Giving the sheer number of children I don't think she's managed to build any meaningful relationship with them.

I've tried using logic. Told her to use the Internet, find what others have experienced. She just says that she's made up her mind and that's the end of it. I guess love can be your own worst enemy when you're in the thick of it.

This man she's so intent on marrying is the 'pious' type who confirms to all strict beliefs. I failed to see how adultery didn't come up in his mind being married with such a colossus family.

A_jay's picture

I really hope they do. It'll stop the religious zealots like this man from living his lifestyle. They'd think twice before starting a baby making factory.