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Sick Kid Responsibilities

TogetherForever89's picture

My 11 year old SS started coughing last night. He woke up this morning coughing, but otherwise in good spirits, no fever, runny nose, etc. He is prone to allergies and post-nasal drip and he gets these coughing fits every once in a while. When he was younger he would stay home from school because of his cough and basically jump around and party like he's perfectly healthy other than his cough while DH works and I "take care" of him at home (I am a SAHM). So when DH said he should stay at home today instead of going to school; I disagreed and believe he was fine enough to go to school. I told him that if he is going to make the decision to keep him from school, then he is his responsibility (aka YOU take care of him). He got very upset at that comment because he "absolutely cannot stay home from work"--and mind you, he owns his own business and can absolutely work from home and has done it plenty of times before. Sometimes he just doesn't go to work that day because he feels like it; his schedule is absolutely flexible. I just felt he made a decision about his son and tossed the rest of the responsibility onto me. If he was much more ill (i.e. couldn't get out of bed, feverish, etc.) I would not hesitate to keep him home and care for him. But he is not. I do not hesitate to send my THREE year old to school when he has a cough (obvs when he's in good spirits) so why would think it's cool for my 11 year old to stay at home? 

I guess I'm writing to vent but to also get some perspective on this. Am I being cruel? Was it irrational of me to say that since DH thinks SS is sick enough to stay home, that he should also be home too? I've been trying to push more of the parenting of the kids onto DH as I feel he doesn't do much of it, is this one of those circumstances or am I doing too much?

Thanks in advance.

shellpell's picture

Am I being cruel?  NO

Was it irrational of me to say that since DH thinks SS is sick enough to stay home, that he should also be home too? NO! Perfectly reasonable to expect DH to take care of HIS kid and not foist him on you.

I've been trying to push more of the parenting of the kids onto DH as I feel he doesn't do much of it, is this one of those circumstances or am I doing too much? His kid, his responsiblity. Bottom line. 

Just leave the house if he tries to leave SS with you. WTF is wrong with these men who think their wives should be taking care of their kids that they had with other women??

TogetherForever89's picture

I was in tears reading your response--I had to take a break before writing back! Thank you for making me feel like I'm not the crazy/irrational one in the relationship! I hate that I doubt myself so much but unfortunately it's what I do and that's why I'm here on these forums. I don't have the balls yet to just walk out the house especially with DS around, but maybe one day.

Cover1W's picture

Yes you do!  You can!  Just because your SS is there, even if he's not sick, you feel you cannot leave and do something on your own.  Just start by going to the store or out for a cup of coffee.  It gets easier and you've got to do it.

tog redux's picture

Good for you! Who keeps a kid home for a cough without a fever or any other symptoms? And yes - if he wants to do that, HE can watch his little darling. 

He was the cruel and irrational one. 

ETA: AND, going forward, he should ASK if you are ok with watching SS when he's home sick, not assume it. 

TogetherForever89's picture

DH is a baby too when he's under the weather. He doesn't get sick often so when he's got a cold...watch out!

I'm lost at how I can show him his expectations are unreasonable...I'm not great at articulating my feelings and he's not great at seeing other people's POV sometimes.

ESMOD's picture

If his kid pulls the play time extravaganza act while you are watching him.. you must very sternly put him to bed.  That is where SICK children must stay and sleep with no games/toys/electronics.. no TV.  Just rest and bland toast and chicken soup with lots of water.  No rich food for sick kids..  AND.. of course he will not be allowed to be up and playing at all today.. not even after school.. no visits with friends.. no trips out.  because he is SICK.

That should make him pretty easy to take care of.. just a sleeping kid. lol.

No really your DH perhaps should be watching him.. 

TogetherForever89's picture

LOL SS has a school dance he is looking forward to at the end of the week and I am going to remind him that if he doesn't rest up and take care of himself, he will most likely be "TOO SICK" to go!! MUAHAHAHA

Thank you for your kind response Smile