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SICK OF HEARING HE NEEDS "HIS TIME OFF" and SS SPOILED! what do I do? It enrages me!

zebra.wings's picture

my fiance' bitches and moans about how he doesn't get any time to himself on the weekend I have my kids. Now my take on this is that if he had stayed with his ex he's always have his son there is no weekends off your a parent deal. You chose to make a baby, now comes responsibility. I tell my ex the same when he bitches he needs a saturday off (he has our kids on weekends) I tell him, if you and I stayed together, I'd be at work on a Saturday like always and you'd be with the kids, how is this different? I don't understand the new age (I'm not old either 28) mentality that when your seperated you get time to yourself, this is a LUXURY! yes. but its when you don't have the kids, and when you do be it all the time or three days on or three days off, then you have them get used to it. Why is it that men whine and cry about needing a day off (he had plenty of time to himself TRUST me)

You CHOSE to put it where you did and make this child who is now your responsibility. SUCK IT UP! and as far as SO's go. You KNEW that he/she had a child (brat or angel) SUCK IT UP! its your family, this person is a PT father/mother or PT husband/wife because these SO's are babys.

Kids are work. Kids are hellians kids can drive us insane! but if you tried, if your SO let you put your two cents in and parent with them (I don't mean be the mom/dad but direct the kids guide them) then MAYBE just MAYBE these kids will LEARN to respect you and not be terrors.

I have my own issues with my fiance' with kids I have two and he has one. We constantly get into discussions (not fights) about how to better our family home life. Kids pit you against eachother, they are whiney etc. WE ARE THE ADULTS. we need to stop acting like children ourselves.

I get how some Skids can drive us nuts, just this morning my SS (who is a great boy smart, sweet and funny- BUT SPOILED to no end) he hit my son because he "touched" his spiderman toy. Now I have a issue with hitting in general I don't care WHAT he was doing you tell a adult, so I said noone hits anyone in this house or its a time out or we lose a video game for the day. My SS looked at me and was quiet. My fiance jumps in with I told my son that if someone hits him hit back (I think thats extreme I would say if its a THREAT or bullying but not because someone touches a toy!) He went to warm up his car and I said to my SS why did you hit him? he said "because he was touching my toy" I said "don't hit him again, where is your toy *SS points at it on the table* I said "where does it belong? not down here does it (he was heading off to school -pick up!) he said "upstairs?" I said "yup" you don't want him touching or looking at your crap put it in your "area/room" not in the dining room table. I then told him and secondly "don't ask to borrow any of my video games or his or his starwars guy if your going to be selfish and HIT over something so dumb as him touching your toy". SS went upstairs put it up there and came back down not a word else was said. I'm not saying I won't share or let my son share with him but he's not going to be a brat about a stupid spiderman toy and not learn 1 lesson from it!

My point is, you can be a guide to you skids, I know they can be brats ( I get SICK of the hitting over stupid shit that shouldn't be and I HATE spoiled kids ) this is extreme my SS gets EVERYTHING he wants. EVERYTHING. When I moved in here 2 years ago he was 5 and had a nintendo DSI his gram bought him and a million games we gave him the largest room in the house because he's here all week, fine, he had a TV in his room, a playstation, a million games for that, for christmas his gram got him 1k worth of toys, this kid wants for nothing but if you take him to the store he trys toget you to go to the toys then whines he wants one. Once we went to get ice cream stuff to make sundays and I got vaniilla and choc ice cream he cried because "that ice cream was nasty and I want a sunday cone"

after he inhaled the cone he then wanted my "nasty" ice cream. Don't get me wrong I gave it to him and very calmy explained if I hear he thinks its "nasty again I'll let him watch me eat the nasty ice cream and he can go without. period. he is ungrateful and always wanting manipulative to the point of calling his gram telling her what he wants. My fiance and I have talked and he says he will talk to his mother (who is a sweet wonderful lady that loves him too much!) but I think because we are middle class and pay bills and have little left over he feels guilty that he maybe cannot give his son EVERYTHING he wants.

My two boys sit and watch all this my son who is 7 and my other son who is 3 watch their sb get EVERYTHING he desires. I did cave at xmas and get my son a DSI too but that was his big gift and that was about all he got. my ss then bitched "how come my stepbrother gets that game and I don't" I want that game , forward to the next day and skid has the game from gramma. (this is the way it always goes, my son gets something and skid has to top it) WTF. I beleive that we should all learn that we cannot have everything we want when we want it even if gram has a bag of money! Am I wrong?

I think my ss is in for a huge reality check in about four more does NOT grow on trees and the amount of crap he has in his room is rediculious~!

hismineandours's picture

Tell the gram to cut it out. If she doesnt cut it out-then just put the toys away that she buys-donate them, throw them in the trash, give them back to her-whatever. It's causing problems in the home. You cant give one of the children so much material items and the rest dont get anywhere near that much. My parents always gave ss the same amount of gifts, etc that they gave their biograndchildrn If the gram cant do this-then she shoudnt get anyone anything.

As far as the hitting-I agree with you totally-no hitting for anyone in the house. I guess if your dh thought that was ok, you should ask him if ss touches sometihng of yours does that mean you are supposed to hit him? Hitting is not OK. Your dh is confusing his son and is teaching him the wrong thing. The kid is not in danger when his sibling touches his toy there is no need for self-defense.

Why not make some chores up at the house and teach your ss (and your boys too) about earning things/saving? Give them a small allowance if they do their chores-but again it is key that gram quit giving the kid stuff otherwise he will never learn any motivation to earn anything. My kids and I went to our beautician last night (who is also a friend and has known my kids their whole life)-we were there for a long time and they were thirsty-they asked me for money for a soda and I told them I didnt have any cash. My beautician said she would buy their sodas if they all earned it. They vaccummed, swept up hair, and took out the trash. That's what its all about. You dont have to be a bio parent to teach kids morals and values. Even if you cant get your dh and gram on board-try to impact him in small ways such as this. Next time he wants some ice cream-make him work for it.