SD has been in my life ever since I moved in with my fiance' when she was one and a half years old. The first time I met her, she slapped his face. I said then, "Dude. Your baby just slapped you." and he said, "Oh, no, she is just pretending she is mad. Isn't she adorable?". And that set the precedent. For the lasy six years, she has kicked, slapped, and shoved others (including the large guard dogs he owns) ordered adults around, been allowed to skulk around doorways to eavesdrop on any private conversation (including telephone calls), read my private emails without being asked to leave the room, and to comment and criticize me on the information she has gotten from eavesdropping. When we eat, she tries to make me sit by her and then waves her fork around my face, drops her food onto my plate and elbows me. It took me two years to be allowed to eat on the other side of him, instead of with her in between us. I am not allowed to ask her to obey me in any way, or to say anything contrary to what she says, even when she is wrong (for instance when she told me she had gotten lost and a 'nice man' took her to the front of the store. I told her that she should be careful to look for a store employee if that ever happened again and she screamed at me that no one would ever kidnap her and I was stupid. I got yelled at by him she waited at the door, listening, shuffling her feet and laughing at me, because he said that I should never 'argue' with her. I also am arguing if she lies outright and I contradict her.). I am made to comb the lice from her hair and pull the eggs out one by one every single visit. But her hair is very curly and thick and she doesn't brush it every week. She will go for eight to fourteen days without combing it at all and then I am expected to 'help' my fiance out by delousing her without the benefit of lice shampoo. She will not tolerate her hair being combed, and so screams and cries ("Daddy, Grandma...she's hurting me") while he and his mother (who lives with us) stand in the doorway and tell me I had better not be hurting their little girl. It took me four hours last week to take out 117 eggs and 5 lice from her hair. I was ordered to 'keep a tally' for them.
I have three granddaughters who are younger than her. I planned to make her and my granddaughters my flower girls at our wedding, but when I showed him the dresses I had picked out and asked his opinion, he informed me that his daughter will not be dressed like the other flower girls. He wants her to stand out from them and dress like him. I told him that would make her a focal point and she would seem more important than the other flower girls. But he just said he was paying for the wedding (I am not allowed to work. He controls the money and will not even let me get a bus pass to provide transportation to any job. He also refuses to drive me to any job.)and since I have been married before and he has not, it is his choice. He also insisted that she sit between us at the bride and groom's table, instead of with her new step-sisters and stepbrother and nieces and nephews(my three grown children and their children). I told him that the bride and grooms table was set aside for just the bride and the groom, not for them and one child, no matter how special the groom considered the child to be. It feels as if he wants to marry his daughter and not me.
She slept at our home on visitations in a crib until she was five years old. He refused to buy her a bed until then and he still calls his 7 and a half year old daughter a baby. Not just as a term of endearment, but because he believes she is an actual baby. He carries her physically in his arms every chance he gets, even into her classroom when he drops her off at school. She sleeps in the same room with us and does not tolerate him touching me, kissing me, or hugging me. She scolds me if I make any jokes with him or laugh at his jokes in her presence and he demands I apologize to her for offending her.
He took us to a fair last week and when she wanted her face painted, I asked her to let me wipe the dirt from her face, so the paint would stick. She agreed and I began to wipe away the dirt. Suddenly she screamed "OH MY GOD! STOP TOUCHING ME! LET ME GO! GEEZ!" and everyone turned to stare at me as if I were somehow hurting her. I was embarrassed and told him hurriedly that I needed to go, and would be in another booth. I heard him say as I left, "Now honey, let's get your face painted." as if nothing at all had happened. Then he took her to play on the trampolines. Then he bought her a sweet from the candy stand. She came running up to me to show me all her prizes and said in a snide smug tone that just oozed sarcasm, "Don't you just love my facepaint? Daddy let me get it done. I jumped on the trampoline, too. And he is going to buy me candy." I nodded mutely, trying my best not to tell him he should set limits for her. She finally threw her arms around me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry I yelled. You just need to remember not to touch me when I am trying to decide what face paint to buy.". He looked at me and I said, gently, "Well, that's fine, but I'm still angry so let me alone for a while, please.". She scowled and tried to hold my hand. When I did not take it out of my pocket, she snapped at him saying, "SHE doesn't look happy, Daddy. YOU took her to the fair and SHE should be grateful, shouldn't she. She should smile and be happy, but she isn't.". I wanted to barf, I was so angry. I left again to go see a show she does not like. When I got back, she was still at it, criticizing me and then trying to bribe me with some of her candy. I was still rather angry, so I declined and tried to walk on the other side of him, away from her.
When we got home, he said he was throwing me out for 'with-holding love' from 'his baby' and 'kicking him in the heart' and all sorts of maudlin things. He said to me,, "Other homeless people would be happy to have such a luxurious life. As if I were homeless. I explained that I was angry and didn't want to interact with his daughter, because I might have said something I didn't mean right then, but he continued to yell and threaten me. He said I was a child abuser and that I would have to 'suck it up' when I was angry and hug her and kiss her and hold her hand even when she yelled at me. I told him that if he was throwing me out I didn't have to do any such thing and he suddenly changed his mind.
Now, when I first moved in with him, I HAD a job. When it was downsized, he encouraged me to stay home and clean. Then he began to pay me 20 dollars a week for cleaning his home, cooking and things like that. He stopped buying me any of the groceries that I wanted, such as soda, vegetables, fruit, or cigarettes. He said those were luxuries. (They eat no fruit or vegetables in his home)and if I wanted them, I must buy them with the money I earned from him. When I do buy myself fruit or vegetables, his daughter whines and cries and yells at me to give them to her. If I do not at least share, she tells her father on me, and I get lectured in front of her and am told to apologize to her. She smirks the entire time.
I am planning on getting a job, even if I must walk ten miles a day to get one and purchase a car. My family has a house that is vacant, but needs plumbing work done. I plan to save the money I will make and fix the plumbing and get the hell out of dodge. He and his spoiled daughter are creepy.