Sensitive to everything...
Hello. I'm struggling to cope with some things in my life with my SO. I posted something previously about how to deal with school and kids activities and stuff... but anyway here is another part of the deal that makes me feel not so great about stuff.
He doesn't want anymore kids. I went into this relationship not ready for having any kids of my own and not wanting any right away anyway, but a conversation about it a month or so ago upset me. He was very adamant and even gave me some good reasons for not wanting any more kids. I don't even necessarily want them myself, but what if that changes 5-10 years from now?
The reason this bothers me is because I feel like to be with the man that I love, I can't ever have kids with him if I were to want to have them. I will never have what his ex and him had/have, and sometimes I just feel second-rate. 
I am probably blowing this way out of proportion... maybe some good advice to get over myself is in order.
I'm so sorry you're facing
I'm so sorry you're facing this. I truly cannot imagine having to face that decision: kids or DH.
I would caution you to BELIEVE your BF. He has clearly stated he does not want anymore children, and there is almost zero likelihood he will change his mind. Believe him.
As for you? Well, you are the only person who can know if you want children at any point in your life. Do not factor in that he and BM have "experienced" that together, because that's a totally different thing. Different time, different relationship, different everything. I will never have children with DH. He and BM will forever share that "bond" of parenting. I'm ok with that, because we have a totally different relationship than they did (and way better!)
I feel for women facing this. I just can't imagine it.
@StickAFork, I do believe him
@StickAFork,
I do believe him that he doesn't want anymore kids.
Meh. Its just a part of life. If I decide I want kids someday, I will have to make a decision.
Thanks.
Do you see yourself as a
Do you see yourself as a mother?
Do you see yourself wanting babies?
If so, I'd recommend really thinking about this NOW.
Are you saying "someday" you'd have to decide if you're bailing on a marriage of 10 years because you suddenly want a child? That is unfair to both you and your BF (and the stepkids who will have their family broken up again.)
Anyway, I said "believe him" because it seems so often that men tell their lady they don't want kids, but the ladies think they'll change his mind.
StickAFork, I am so not ready
StickAFork,
I am so not ready for children. I do have a 12 year age difference between myself and my fella though, which has always caused me to take pause on the matter of children... it is way more complicated than you might think, and I cannot just think of his feelings.
This is something we were able to discuss last night. I can't see myself suddenly wanting a child, but a conundrum that I have is that I only have so many child bearing years on this planet...
Anyway, another subject I'm burned out on, so I'm going to focus on things that matter most, like the right here and now and planning my future with those I care about...
Thanks again.
Think long and hard if this
Think long and hard if this is the right man for you. Relationships like this are supposed to make a person feel loved and secure, not like a third wheel, second-rate and upset.
Be very careful and think
Be very careful and think long and hard about this one SassyKat.
My SO has son17, daughter19. He was very clear from day one that he wants no more children. It is "fine" for me as I have a medical condition that prevents me from being able to safely carry a babe to term. I say "fine" as even though motherhood isnt in my cards, I still have moments of sadness and frustration that I cant have my own family with my SO, and if he really wanted to we could. These thoughts usally come in my "I lost my mind and I am completly irrational" couple days of the month!
But those thoughts sneak through. I cant imagine being in your shoes, prefectly healthy and capable to have a child, but having to choose.....
My heart goes out to you on this one, you dont want to live your life resenting your FDH
I'm sorry I've not responded
I'm sorry I've not responded sooner. Thank you MaidJane.
Its not something I think about all the time, but here and there it does come up. I think my feelings are perfectly normal and I'm okay with having times where I think about the future.
You need to think more about
You need to think more about the feelings you have about having what him and his ex have. If you don't have children with him, you will always have those feelings. Some other woman has something with your ex that you dont and never will? Not fair! Not fair at all. BUT if you do have a baby with him, it won't be as special to him because it's not his first born. Your feelings are completely normal and sound and you will probably feel like this forever. In my opinion, find someone else who will ALWAYS put you first no matter what and doesn't have any baggage.
My boyfriend has 2 kids with 2 different moms. The one was a one night stand OOPS, and the second was a product of a long term relationship where she decided having a baby would fix their relationship problems so she got pregnant on purpose. Women who have babies for reasons like this fuck up futures for women like us. They taint something special that should be shared between man and wife, not One night stand partner or boyfriend they don't love anymore. Anyway, it kills me that I won't have the same joy because when we do decide to have children one day, it won't be the same because he has done this 2 other times.