You are here

SDs Room ---help

stronggirl's picture

Okay so BF comes home last night and of course this is my night to start feeling sick becuase SS13 will be over for the first time in 1 month (he has been sick, yea right). And so I go into his room and it is a disaster area and should be condemed. I am cleaning up and yelling at BF father because he says that he will clean it up with SS. I am yelling THAT IS NOT THE F***ING POINT. The point is that he should do it himself. I am so sick of my world revolving around my SS. He hates me, his BM has made it so. He will be all nice around me and then treat my BS3 like total crap and laugh. Then he will go home and talk about how mean I am and all that I do wrong, so that BF gets a phone call. I do not even know why we have a bedroom for him. He stays the night 2 times a month because I refuse to have him over friday night because BF works all day Sat. For the first 4 years of our marriage I felt like a built in Saturday babysitter......So I posted the Step-parents rights on the fridge and it was a big fight, but they are still there. And so now BF calls last night and says he is going to call SS and ask WHEN HE WANTS TO COME OVER....my response is ARE YOU TAKING HIM TO WORK?????? So he gets it and is picking him up after work tonight. We have a small house. My office has been re-located to the basement rec area.......I do not think that he even deserves a room. HE SLEEPS ON THE COUCH......What would you do?????

Angel's picture

is not the issue you are fighting about. You are very very angry that this child is making you feel that you can no longer control your life. His room represents how out of control your life is. How YOUR world revolves around him.

Yes, he should keep his room clean, but most teenagers don't.

By making you a "babysitter" you were taken advantage of and you feel taken advantage of every time the child comes over. He is thirteen, you have at least five more years of this. You mention that he is your bf and not husband-----stick it out for 5 years or be free???
Lots to consider since you have a younger biochild. But you sound VERY angry. It is good to vent.

stronggirl's picture

EVERYTHING REVOLES AROUND HIM....we are married and this child, which I do care about makes me and my life crazy. and it is all his father, my husbands fault. he lets him. He has lied straight to his dads face and then when my husband looks at me, SS smiles behind his back.....I am over it and do not know what to do. Everytime I try to hint about how I feel to my husband he either does not get it or agrees at the MOMENT, and then forgets when it is our weekend. Thanks for letting me vent and your insight Angel!

sg

laurels4u's picture

My DH is the same way with his son although Precious lives with us FT. I hate it. The kid is threatening to move away to his mother's and the second he does, I'm painting his cave a delicate shade of white and turning it in to a guest bedroom because I don't think he'll be back too often.

I used to be the built in babysitter but DH finally caught on that I'm not. If DH has to work weekends, he makes sure someone other than me takes him for the weekend. That goes for summer vacation as well. Especially since the kid is 13 y.o. but can't do anyting on his own. If DH leaves him here, I leave and do what I have to do.

I don't know about you but I get the feeling that you are annoyed that you feel ousted in certain areas of your home when SS is there? I feel put out at times, too, and I've recently started displacing him since he's not paying the bills. It's my house and I work damn hard for it and I was tired to feeling like I had to go to another room to get away from him. For example, I have a nice flat screen TV in the kitchen to watch while I cook, clean, bake, etc. and we bought a nice pub table for DH & I to enjoy in our small kitchen. Before we added these two items in the kitchen, that kid never came out of his room. Once they were installed, I'd find that kid sitting at my table every second of the day watching my flat screen TV. I finally told him this wasn't the living room, and unless he was going to start cooking, baking, and cleaning the kitchen, he better go back to his own room or go to the family room. Anyhow......I feel your pain and relate to it so well. Hang in there!

All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!

stepwitch's picture

DH needs to get a freaking clue. He probably feels very secure in yalls marriage, maybe he needs a freaking wake up call, so then he will realize that this is a real issue ! I do the same thing, clean when I'm mad, and yell at everyone around, sometimes it get attention, but mostly it just gives me an exercise session that I burn alot of calories !!!

13y/o - Damn (Remeber you are woman - in all the ways it matters) HeHeHeHeHeHe

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

stronggirl's picture

Everyone is right....I am going crazy and do not even have a place of my own in this house. Maybe I am feeling a little crazy, but I bought this house and gutted and re-did it before everyone came into my life, now I have my computer in the rec room, my stuff in baskets everywhere and nothing organized anymore. I have been lucky for the past month because SS has been sick on both of our weekends (yea right). It is all because BM got mad at me for honking in the drive for SS to come out. She called BF and told him to tell his "Princess" that this is embarrassing and that I need to come to the door...well I bet you can guess what I told my husband. the next time she had her Mommy there and I honked and waited about 4 minutes and then I left. Smile So he has hardly been down at all and I am wondering why my son has the small room, he is both of ours and my SS who spends the night 24 days a year has the larger room. My husband got on me the other day because he caught me measuring the rooms.....Just might have to change this......

thanks for this...this is my only outlet and I love talking to everyone and seeing that I am not crazy (too much)....

sg

laurels4u's picture

We're all perfectly sane.....it's just the people around us who are making us think we are! Wink

All I'm asking for is some good old honesty served up fresh when I ask for it without the side order of hot tongue and cold shoulder!