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SDs always disliked me. BM always hated me. My BS did a huge mistake. My married will probably die. I'm at a loss!!!

VictimOfFate's picture

Hello. 

First of all I would like to say i feel blessed because I found this site. 

I'm stuck in a pretty bad situation.

A little background. I have 2 sons, ODS 19 and YDS 15. I got pregnant when I was 17 (youth mistakes and bad choices...) and my ODS' father left the scene before his birth. I married another man (YDS' father) but 6 years ago we saw things were not working out anymore, so I left.

4 years ago I met my now husband and we married 3 years ago. He has 2 daughters, OSD 17 and YSD 15. From day 1 they never accepted me. OSD is very standoffish towards me. Always were. Never tried to know me. We don't talk to each other and I'm disengaged from her.
She's not bad or mean, but honestly, I won't persue a person who is clearly unwilling to have anything to do with me. YSD was always a b*tch. Never liked me, never warmed me, always made clear I mean nothing to her, Me and my family are not family to her.
Once, actually the first time they were seeing my mom, my mom said she was happy because she always wanted to have a GD, YSD told her she was not her GD, me marrying her dad doesn't make me or my appendage her family, etc. My mom was sad, hurt and shocked.

My husband always corrected her, always punished her for her bad behavior, always parented her. Didn't change anything. I decided to disengage from her to. It takes two to tango, she clearly prefers another dance.

BM is an obsessive woman and never accpeted me. His family never liked her.

My MIL loves me, says I'm a good woman. 

My sons like my husband, they are happy I'm happy. Their dad found another woman, which is making him pretty happy. I'm honsetly happy for him, he was never a bad husband, but love came to and end for us.

His daughters never liked my sons, never tried to know them, always excluded them. YSD last year made a false allegation that my OSD was harrassing her.

Yesterday I was holding a lunch at our house when we heard someone knocing furiously at our door. It was BM.

My MIL opened the door and BM screamed: "I'M HERE TO TAKE MY DAUGHTERS AWAY FROM THAT HOUSE!"

My MIL started to fight with saying she wouldn't take anybody and claiming she would call police.

"YOU BETTER DO THAT. BUT FIRST, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS, YOU OLD WH*RE"

She gave my MIL a smartphone, my MIL started to see what she was showing and then exclamed "oh my God! DH take a look at that"

My DH took the phone, seconds later he said: "Is that ODS? F*ck! I'm going to kill him!"

I asked him what was happening he said: "YOUR SON! YOUR SON IS HARRASSING MY DAUGHTER!"

I told: "Can't you see, BM is poisining you with lies. False allegations again? Change your tricks, honey"

Well, I unleashed the beast! She was angry and told me: "LIES, LIES, YOU WH*RE? TAKE A LOOK AT THIS, MOTHER***KER"

I took the phone and I almost puked when I saw the screen

It was a video of my son masturbating he sent to YSD. 

"READ EVERYTHING, YOU WH*RE!"

I read. Dozens of messages with sexual content, dozens of photos of him naked, a video of him peeking her on bathroom. It has been happening for 6 months.

I couldn't believe. I almost fainted. I couldn't believe my own son would do this. 

"SO, WHAT ABOUT THE LIES NOW, YOU WH*RE? LET ME SEE, IT WAS CLEARLY ME DRESSED LIKE YOUR SON RUBBING MY SH*FT TO MY DAUGHTER, ISN'T IT? NO!!! IT WAS YOUR MOTHERF***KING PEDOPHILE SON, A GROWN MAN HARRASSING A TEENAGER!"

When I heard those words I couldn't hold my tears anymore. I could believe. I fought so hard to be with the man I love and my son destroyed everything. BM now has full force against us.

She said: "I'M TAKING MY DAUGHTERS WITH ME RIGHT NOW!"

My MIL said: "Take them, it is the best thing to do"

When they were about to leave, BM told my husband: "You will never see those girls again!"

He sat on sofa, clearly shocked. He was speechless.

My MIL sat next to him, when he said: "I will lose my daugthers. It is all my fault, I falied to protect them"

My said: "Actually, it's your wife's fault. She is the mom of that disgusting pedophile. She was the one who made my gd look like a liar. She clearly knew what her son did that time. She made us believe my gd was lying to protect her son."

It's not true. But i had no forces to defend myself.

He left about an hour later and went to his mother house. Haven't talked with me since. 

I was there alone, my sons were at thei'r dad's house.

That image of my own son doing that disguting act repeated in a infinite looping.

I'm sad, I will probably lose my husband. I'm feeling like a terrible mom, how could a rise a son like this? I'm felling like the worst human being, what if that false allegation wasn't false at all? I'm afraid for my son's future. BM will obviously after him. He will go to jail.

I'm not here to seek validation for my son's acts. What he did was terrible. No woman deserves to be harrassed, never. The fact my YSD never liked me and excluded me won't change my mindset. 

I came here to try to unburden.    

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your son needs to stay at his Dad's - do not let him come home. (It would probably be best for your other son to stay there for the time being.) The last thing you need is a confrontation between your DH and your son. First thing tomorrow, he needs to get a lawyer.

Your 19 year old son is the one sending the messages to your 15 year old SD - right? And a year ago she accused him of some sort of harrassment - how was it determined that it was a false accusation?

Could you tell if she responded to any of his messages? Not that it would make what he did ok, but was this a back and forth thing - or just him sending stuff to her? Did he threaten her in any way? It seems odd she let this go on for 6 months without telling anyone.

 

VictimOfFate's picture

My MIL read all the messages.

She told she asked him to stop many times.

She told my MIL he threatened her. They spoke breafly on the phone after the turmoil. My MIL believes she hidden that from us because we made her look like a liar. As someone here said, I do believe she was gathering proof to make a point.

About the allegation me and DH believed it was fake because BM is used to PAS them. 

The main problem is my son is an adult and she is a teenager. Where I live this means jail.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

That makes him clearly in the wrong. Get him a lawyer and some psychiatric help. Keep him away from your DH and limit your own interaction with DH's family in regards to the situation. I'm sorry you are going through this - it has to be just awful.

STaround's picture

Why were they dismissed?  Did your DH accept your son's word over his own DD?  Did he browbeat her into dropping her allegations?  If so, their relationship is over.  I suspect she will never forgive him.  And yes, I suspect your marriage is over.  You need to get your son an attorney. 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

I hope things get better, take it one day at a time. If you need to blot some images out of your head, try meditating, sleep buds that play soothing music at bedtime. You may want a counsellor for yourself. - you may wish to consider changing your bathroom door though I’m not entirely sure how there was a peep hole in it unless its an old door with a key lock in, hopefully she didn’t leave it open in purpose around teenage boys. ignore mother in law, they always turn when it suits them.

Powerfamily's picture

YOU need to stop blaming, BM, SD's and your DH.  

The only person to blame is YOUR son. He knew what he was doing was wrong.  HE's an adult abusing a child.  HE deserves to go to jail.

I hope you have spoken to your EX and that they do not have any minor girls in their home.   YOU need to have a conversation with about both of your children.

I hope your H does put his children before you and yours, and does everything to protect them.  And yes if he has any sense he will leave you.

elkclan's picture

I'm sorry this happened to you. But the fact that you're focusing first on the bad behaviour of the SDs and BM means that you're not focusing on the right thing. Your minor SD was victimised in her own home and was made out to be a liar. She turned to the adults in her life for help and they did not help her. It looks like it wasn't a false allegation at all. 

But right now you need to face facts. Your marriage probably is over.

But your son still needs your help. You need to get him a lawyer and you need to get him help.

And you need to stop worrying about whether your SDs ever liked you or not. Even if they were nasty mean girls, they didn't deserve this. 

Monkeysee's picture

No girl deserves this, I agree 100%.  As painful as this must be OP, your son deserves whatever legal ramification comes his way as a result of his actions.  Even if it 'ruins his life'.  He chose to do what he did, your SD didn't deserve this.

My heart breaks for you though, no mother wants to go through an ordeal of this nature.  This is NOT your fault. I hope you get yourself in for counselling in the upcoming weeks & months to help cope with everything. You're going to need the support, please take care of yourself.

Rags's picture

I got nothing other than.....  Call the cops on your pervy son.  He needs to be accountable. He targeted a minor with his pornographic crap.  Put his ass in jail.

As for the toxic BM, etc... your son being a perve does not change the fact that that gene pool is shallow and polluted and full of toxic people.

I am sorry you are having to experience this.

Take care of you and your younger son.