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SD fine until BM calls then cries

Aquaseaturtle's picture

Hopefully I am posting this in the correct place. 

We have been on vacation for 6 days, everything is fine having a good time. BM calls (on SD iPad) and suddenly comes the tears. Suddenly but expected as this has been the issue for the past 6 years. I truly believe it's how she is being raised but when I give my opinion I feel like an outsider. To me, it all starts back when she had a pacifier. It was constantly in her mouth. I only let her have it at night when she turned 3, however we only have her every other weekend. She was fine only having it at night, at 4 years old she did not have it at all at our house. However as soon as she got in her BM vehicle she knew right where it was and boom back to 24/7 with the binky! Her BF spoke to BM to tell her that she no longer has it but nothing changed.  I think this leads into so many other issues going on, she is now 7.  She cries if she is left alone, like sitting in living room and everyone else is in kitchen etc.  if getting gas and she is sitting in the seat next to gas tank screams bloody murder. 
Other issues that I have. The BM acts like we all get along great and is the best coparenting ever.  But it's as long as it's her way.  I have absolutely no issues with being friends however not unless things are at least fair. I cannot be fake but I'm cordial. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BM is not your friend. She may pretend she is... as long as things go her way. For many of us here, it's a rarity to be friends with the BM. 

What does SD's father do when she screams and cries?

bananaseedo's picture

The binky has nothing to do with it- one of my sons held onto it for WAY to long (around 3-4 also) and never cried/screamed when left alone or in a different room, or car.  Sounds like some developmental issues -or simply spoiling/helicopter parenting.


The_Upgrade's picture

That sounds pretty extreme. SD is probably picking up on her mother's anxiety and echoing it. I was an insane stage 5 clinger of a toddler. Had complete meltdowns if I couldn't see my mum. I remember the screeching on the first day of school. Cried for weeks. Later on my mum got diagnosed with anxiety and depression which explained loads. By then she'd driven the family insane with her weird idiosyncrasies. My DD on the other hand at age 2 could be left alone with her breakfast in front of the TV. I'd crawl back into bed for a snooze, come back later to find she'd fed herself, put the bowl in the sink and chilling out watching cartoons. Kids pick up on more than we think. If they get the slightest whiff of our anxiety then they'll think they're justified to be worried too. 

Rags's picture

Zero contact with BM during dad's visitation time.  End of discussion.

If BM takes exception, DH needs to nail her ass to the wall in court with extensive testimony from mental health and child behavior experts that will skin BM alive.

Lather................ rinse..................... repeat.