scared for my relationship because of sd lieing
ok...I am going to warn everyone, this is a crazy situation..but I am desperate. Where do I begin....how about a bit of background.
my partner and I have been together for almost 2 years...and I love her a lot.
she has three girls ages 4,7,9. Her oldest is from from one biological father, and her two youngest are from her ex-husband. The oldest sees her biological father occasionally (once every month or so) and the two youngest spend every other weekend with their biological father. Even though the oldest also considers the ex-husband as a dad, she refuses to spend time with him when her sisters go every other weekend.
I have two sons 4 and 7 and I have a daughter 9. My kids are with me every other week, and with my ex every other week. I have a what I believe is a very good relationship with my kids and I considered myself the primary caregiver of the kids before my divorce.
So now here is the issue.....for the last 18 months I have had serious concerns about my partner's oldest girl (SD9). She is extremely intelligent, and is very manipulative and conniving. From a variety of actions she has turned my partner against my children (especially my oldest daughter) and she has even divided my partner away from her own two youngest daughters to a lesser extent. SD9 would constantly lie but I was never able to really prove it (until now...which I will explain below). My partner show absolutely no love or affection towards my kids and even borders upon contempt and dislike against my oldest daughter (BD9). This was not always the case, because at the start, my partner was very good to my kids...but I believe SD9 has driven my partner against my kids. I have tried repeatedly to ask my partner to try and love my kids, but she constantly blames my kids for her reaction.
So now we come to this weekend....I finally catch SD9 in lying...and I am able to prove it to my partner. SD9 signed went online and signed on as my 7 year old son (BS7) and sent an email to my ex telling her to "f*ck you". When confronted of course BS7 denies it as he had no idea it had happened. My partner and I confront SD9 and she denies it up and down. I spent 15 years in law enforcement and let me tell you that this kid is good at lying. My partner believes her and again starts blaming my kids. She says that if BS7 didn't do it...then BD9 did it.....or maybe my ex is making the whole story up.
I couldn't sleep that night...as in many nights when the issue of the kids comes up. I decide to do my own digging and low and behold, I come up with the evidence that I needed to prove that it was SD9. So in the morning, I explain it to my partner, and while she is still hesitant to see it, we confront SD9. After about 10 minutes, SD9 finally admits that she did send the email. She even admits to purposely misspelling words in the email wrong to make it look like she didn't do it.
Now this is where it really gets crazy. My partner of course is upset. She asks about a couple of other issues that have happened in the past but SD9 denies everything else. I then sit down with SD9 and have a little chat. After a little time, I get her to start admitting to a number of other issues....these include;
about a year ago, SD9 gets an email sent from my BD9's account saying mean things. When I confronted my BD9 she denied sending the email...and even though I show her the email, she insists that she didn't send it. I always suspected that SD9 signed in on my daughters account and sent the email to herself, I was in a pickle. My partner insisted that my BD9 was lying and needed to be punished...which I did. Well guess what....it turns out that SD9 did actually send the email. I finally get her to admit it!!!! Now as you can imagine, I am extremely upset....not only did the SD9 lie through her teeth, but I punished my BD9 for something that she didn't do!
Also about year ago there was an incident where some writing on the wall appeared. It said, "*SD9name* likes having sex with *BS7*. SD9's name was spelled incorrectly. Of course all kids denied writing the message on the wall....but as is the case, I suspected SD9 but was not able to prove it. My partner of course blamed my kids. Well guess what....fast forward to this week....and SD9 finally admits that it was her!
As you can see this kid is conniving and troubled. I am worried about having my kids around her. I am worried about myself being around her. I don't trust her at all.
Now, she is still continuing to lie....as I have other evidence, which I have not confronted her with yet....but I need help. My partner is starting to realize that she has a serious problem, but I don't think she comprehends the full extent. I don't believe that this is normal behaviour and SD9 needs professional help. For a kid to lie is one thing, but to deceive by trying to get other people in trouble to the extent that this kid does is way out there. This has caused serious problems with my partner and I. I have come very close to leaving several times. I love her but the problems we are having because of SD9 are enormous. I need help....I need her to fully accept what has been happening.....I need to her to realize the rift that SD9 has caused between my partner and my kids....I need her to realize the rift that SD9 has caused between my partner and her two youngest.
Please help me. I want to fix this issue, but I am not sure we can. I don't want to risk my kids or my relationship with my kids. I am so scared.