Relationship in ruins and can’t figure out how to fix it
We got together and took a year to introduce, integrate, and work on blending. 3 years later and I’m considering selling our home and leaving with my three boys. We’ve been engaged for 2 years, knowing I value marriage and would want this modeled for my kids was something I was upfront about. Year 2 and 3 the kids’ mother went into hyperdrive and anlienated the kids, had them ‘spy’ (with rewards for juicy info), she called DCF on us (to hurt me due to my line of work being a therapist for kids on the spectrum, smear my reputation, and coached the kids what to say. This all came out in the investigation and the kids opened up about what happened... we never had this issue again). But boy did this take a toll. The kids and their mother said I allow abuse when my 86 year old grandmother hugs them! Sickening! That I have defication areas in my house and allow kids to pee in buckets.. I mean deranged and sick stuff. So we walked in egg shells. DH feared loss of kids and never said no. We weren’t allowed to talk to kids about anything and they learned that we feared them. I kept thinking onward and support them as children; the victims of a sick woman. We did the court avenue.. we have them 50%.. things have been better behaviorally. His kids are less violent, doing better in school, and appear happier/ to be settled. My DH isn’t. He can’t talk about future, doesn’t want to marry, leads a separate at times life with his kids so they don’t feel slighted (holidays, outings, family time, etc). I feel like me and my boys are the odd-ducks out; visitors in their home. I have had my parenting belt taken off and was told I am not respected or able to parent. I have no legal rights and now faced with him not being on same page about future, I think I have to walk. I invested time, patience, empathy, my financial savings into our family and home and realize I will never be a family to them... please tell me I’m not alone. What would you do?