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Relationship with in-laws

ItAlmostWorked's picture

I am unsure how close I should allow myself to be with my in-laws now that my SD has shared how 'awful' I am with some of them. I feel like I can't let my guard down and really get to know them.

Poodle's picture

You can really get to know them without letting your own guard down. I've done that with mine. When they talk about SD, so long as it's neutral or positive, smile along but contribute nothing. If it seems barbed or negative, still don't contribute anything but disengage from them later at your leisure. If they have any maturity they won't mention SD too much now. That happened with mine when, some years ago, OSD was so offensive and DH so unready to discipline her that I actually had to ask him to take her out of my home to deal with her. He took her to the ILs and no discipline took place but instead they were subjected to 3 days of fussing and screaming against me by the OSD and even the other SKs. I was never told what was said but it would have been extreme. I know the ILs will have sided with the SKs but they never mentioned it to me, ever. They just knew they weren't entitled to, maybe because of some vibe I gave off, maybe because they just had dignity. This is civilised behaviour but if you get anything less, disengage and swan on.

LizzieA's picture

I went through a lot with my in-laws--DH's sisters. Why adults have an opinion about their sibling's divorce and re-marriage and actively try to work against a new wife---jealousy and control was my final answer! Now years later they see the truth--what a poor parent BM is and how DH did indeed hold that household together. Fortunately we moved far away. And--DH was on my side. He wasn't about to let family dictate his life. Key to success. Now they "love" me but I'm just neutral but nice. Never did anything to feel ashamed of.