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Questioning if we did the right thing and feeling guilt

xcutxupxlovex24's picture

Been awhile since I have been here and not sure where to post....

On one hand I think with ss's (he is 11) living situation with bm bouncing around between a camper with 7 people and a bucket to potty in and her moms with 10 people in a 2 bedroom trailer and ss practically living with the neighbor next door when at the camper and the fact she was refusing treatment for his depression and anxiety that dh was in the right to fight for and get full custody...

On the other hand I feel horribly guilty like ss is super unhappy with the situation and that maybe half his issues with his anxiety and depression wouldn't have been an issue had dh let him decide on when he wanted to come back and forth between homes instead of making him keep coming every other week (that was what the order was) and fighting for the full custody when ss and bm sat and talked with dh telling dh thats what ss wanted to decide when to go back and forth because he was unhappy with the every other week....

I guess I just feel on one hand that it was needed for him to come here and on the other we pushed him into the mental health issues he was having...

Not really looking for advice or sympathy, just trying to get my thoughts out there and out of my head and stop dwelling on them. 

xcutxupxlovex24's picture

In the back of my mind I know that things aren't good at BM'S with stuff...

But it makes me feel guilty to think that he is absolutely miserable here when he wants to be there (even though I know its cause of her lack of rules while we have them and his therapist has even stated that is one of his issues being with us).

I guess I just don't want to have a miserable kid or be the cause of him being miserable...

Harry's picture

This kid need professional help first. If he depressed.  Then going from no rule at BM to rules at your home is only going to cause all types of problems at your home.  All of this is going to make you unhappy. You are going to be the bad guy for insisting on the rule of the home be followed 

tog redux's picture

I'm totally confused. So he's living with you guys full-time now? Or he's going back and forth week to week and he doesn't like that? 

Chances are very good that BM is behind a lot of his feelings of wanting to be with her all the time, which is why he feels sad and anxious at your house. He may feel he has to care for her, or he's "in the enemy camp" when he's with you.

A good therapist is in order.  But generally, you don't leave an 11-year-old child in a bad living situation because that's what HE wants.