You are here

Question about disengaging....

mom23ms's picture

So my SO has three daughters (14, 11, and 7.) The eldest doesn't come over anymore because she has to "share" a room now with her sister. It's not like it is a big lose, she causes nothing but hate and discontent with everyone in the house including her own sisters. I guess I should add that the girls BM lives a half mile down the street with her mother.

Anyway, I have had nothing but problems with these girls....I have decided that it is time for "Operation Disengagement." The only problem is, I don't think I can do it to the youngest who will be 7 next month. She is slow and is even repeating Kindgergarten this year. Though there are times she will tell her dad no or says I don't want to, she doesn't do it to me at all. She is actually the complete opposite. I think she has picked up most of her disrespectfulness from her two older sisters.

So when I disengage, do I disengage from her too? I have to take in that she really is mentally slower and has problems (though she has had no official diagnosis at this time.

Any advice would greatly be appreciated....

sandye21's picture

It sounds like you really like SD7. If she isn't causing the griefthat the eldest is I'd give her a chance. But, as I learned too late, rules of behavior need to be in place early. If she starts acting like the eldest it's time to disengage from her too. As Step Mother who did not have any birth chilren, I entered marriage without the confidence that I needed to just 'step in' like DH expected. And it's hard to gain confidence when the 'testing' is so excruciating and the support so minimal. Good luck to you.

mom23ms's picture

I tolerate the youngest daughter because she really does try. I think my SO said that she has the mentality of a 4 year old. She is so starved for attention because the older girls would call her stupid and retarded and that does NOT go in my house. I will NOT tolerate the older girls calling her names. But she wants to be with me constantly...She doesn't want anyone to do anything for her but me. And though it really gets on my nerves, I guess she does have manners and is always telling me thank you and wanting to help so she tries. I pray there is still hope for her.