Political talk between kids out of control
I posted a bit ago about some issues going on between bio and step kids. This issue is with oldest SS. He has very strong political views and he has been very aggressive and down right disrespectful trying to push his views on us. He likes to debate and has literally went on for hours about it even when we all have asked him to stop. It ended up to the point that my husband and I said it's enough, no more political talk because he was so out of control with it. Well now with everything going on my kids can't mention anything without him jumping down their throat. Things that are not political but could possibly fall within that category. He gets so upset and has literally cried and thrown full in tantrums. His mother told him he should get to express himself no matter who it may hurt because the other kids are being "too sensitive" mind you....this includes her other son! He was so sick to death of the political talk too. We all were. SS was so combative and aggressive and because he's mom's golden child he literally thinks he does nothing wrong. Like nothing at all! So, any advice on his to deal with this?
Do you guys have strong
Do you guys have strong political views that you express, or is this just his thing? If it's just his thing, then he needs consequences for defying the adults when told to stop talking about something. If others discuss politics, make your home a "no-politics zone" and anyone who discusses it with the whole family gets called on it. (In other words, if he wants to have a conversation with his dad about politics in an reasonable manner, he can - but he can't talk about it with the other kids or in the whole family group it a bullying manner).
He sounds like a troubled kid - not many 14-year-olds care about politics to that extreme.
We do have very strong
We do have very strong political views but we do not discuss with others. My kids discuss between themselves, me and their dad and my husband because we are all in the same page. We do not talk about it with SS because he gets aggressive and has said some really sick things. It's absolutely disgraceful. DH stops him and tells him enough. Then he goes and tells his mom and she tells him we are not tolerant of his views and he should be able to say whatever he wants and we are too sensitive and that is "proof" that DH lives us more than them and he believes his very mentally ill mother.
Sorry. This was in response
Sorry. This was in response to the other person. Lol!
Well, she can say whatever
Well, she can say whatever she wants, what happens in your home is not her business.
I have a sister with opposite political views, and even though it's not discussed, it's always an underlying tension. Maybe DH needs to talk to SS about being able to tolerate other people having opposing views to him, as that's being lost in our society. That you guys accept that he has different views, and he needs to do the same.
I'm guessing BM holds the same views as he does?
He has. Dozens of times. SS
He has. Dozens of times. SS just sits there with an awful crappy look on his face like a pouty 2 year old. It's truly awful! He does not want to hear it. He's exactly like his mother. There's no talking tonher. therapist after therapist has told her the same thing. That her enmeshed relationship with them and her putting down their fit and loving father is hurting them. She just fired them. If it doesn't fit their agenda, if it doesn't serve them than they don't want to hear it and they will make their feelings everyone else's fault. They do no wrong. NO WRONG. It's exhausting!
OK, then the minute SS starts
OK, then the minute SS starts talking about politics, he needs to be asked to leave the room, and he can pout in his room all he wants.
I know these skids are being alienated, so good job for your DH on continuing to be a parent anyway.
It's so hard because he
It's so hard because he feels like he's just constantly correcting them. Then they cry and say he's mad. Youngest says he has no right to be mad at him. Omg! That's his mother. We explained that anger is an emotion and it's perfectly acceptable to be angry. It's not acceptable to use that anger to mistreat anyone though. Then we asked him if he's ever felt that his dad has mistreated him and he said no. He honestly thought that his father was wrong for ever being upset or mad. Shesh!
This is the real reason he does it.
I doubt at 14 he has such deeply entrenched views. He is doing it to solicit a response (reprimand for not speaking his 'views' and then running to BM to tattle tale).
He does need to learn that political debates are best left to certain times and spaces and the home should not be one of them. So you'll need to clearly set that as an expectation for the whole family, and if he (or even the other kids) violate it then follow through with a consequence.
Agreed!!! This is what we
Agreed!!! This is what we have been doing. I too think it's just a way to get a rise out of us so he can have something to complain to his mother about. My daughter said something the other day about the BLM movement to me snd he overheard and threw a complete fit saying that is political and she couldn't talk about it. Omg. Oh then he says he's "offended" by everything we do so if he's offended we need to stop because we are offended by his politics. My daughter dropped something and she said "oh shit" (I don't care if they slip once in a while and say something like this, she's almost 16! I pick my battles. Lol) he starts screaming that he's offended and says "do not curse! You sound stupid and only uneducated losers curse and I'm so offended right now!"
Dad stopped him and told him to go calm down then apologize. He said she should be the one apologizing because are offended him. Help me.
What a piece of work.
Well to be fair if that rule applies to him it has to apply to the other kids as well. But it was up to you and DH to admonish your child for forgetting that rule and not for SS to pitch a fit and call her names for accidentally cursing. He is not your daughter's parent and should in no way be allowed to act like it. If he can't settle down he may need a counselor as it seems like he has real impulse control issues.
They are allowed to talk to
They are allowed to talk to their parents in private. That's what she was doing. He just happened to overhear when he walked in MY BEDROOM.
Also, we don't have rules about cursing. If they drop something and slips with an "oh shit" that is not a big deal! The rule we DO have is no name calling. No cursing at someone. Not acceptable but for him to say he's offended for her saying "oh shit" give me a break. You were NOT offended over a slip and if you are so offended then why name call?
We had him in therapy. He has been through 3 different ones because his mother keeps firing them for telling her what she doesn't want to hear. That DH is a great dad, there's zero abuse and her actions are the problem. (Not in those words of course but you get the picture)
SD23 also keeps firing therapists
Or sometimes they fire her. Same reason, she wants validation only and whenever challenged will quit that therapist and make up an excuse.
Your DH needs to set
Your DH needs to set boundaries and enforce them, why are is he alllowing this little tantrum throwing man child to terrorize you, your children and your home?
He's not allowed. He throws
He's not allowed. He throws the tantrums BECAUSE DH stops him from bullying others. This child is told by his mother that we are unfair and that he should be able to express himself no matter what. So, when he's not allowed to he throws a damn fit. He is removed and has to go in his room to calm down. His behavior is NEVER tolerated.
Don’t allow him to comment. If he
Don't allow him to comment. If he opens his mouth. Tell him to leave the house until he learns to keep his mouth shut.
BM's opinion on it has no place or weight in your home.
Emotionally charged topics require restraint. If SS is incapable of restraint when discussing politics, he is not allowed to say a word about politics.
Keep it simple.
Love your last paragraph!!!
Love your last paragraph!!! Thank you.
i couldn't care less about what she "feels" the issue is that she gets him all worked up then we have to deal with his behavior all weekend. She instigates like crazy and he is so manipulated by her he comes over thinking we are wrong and unfair and he's crying and pissed. It's ridiculous.
she's extremely sick. These kids are extremely brainwashed. The whole thing is sick.
"Politics is Downstream of Culture"
One way to approach it is to explain that in the battleground of ideas, like with flies, you can get more with honey than with vinegar. That people are more receptive to hearing/understanding your viewpoint, the better the discourse and even possibly win their opinion... but name-calling and tantrums only serve to further alienate others from your cause. Look up noble advocates AND their opponents to better understand how and why even the opposition respected them even in disagreement.
Also, that sex & politics are considered impolite topics overall, and to hold those discussions where more appropriate instead of family gatherings.
Thank you! That's super
Thank you! That's super helpful!
Counseling
I'd like to advocate counseling for SS. Given everything that's going on right now and how upset he is, I think he could use some help. Sometimes kids just need a release valve and sometimes they need 3rd party help learning how to articulate their feelings.
We had him in therapy. In
We had him in therapy. In fact, they are court ordered to be in therapy but mom pulled them because she didn't like what they had to say. They pretty much told her what she's doing in hurting the kids so she fired them. Waiting on our court date to get them back in therapy.