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Phones are a PRIVILEGE not a necessity!!!

hangingbyathread6's picture

So, after all the destruction SS14 has caused with his most recent lie, and the fact that DH and I went to counseling on THURSDAY after SS14 went Wednesday. Therapist agreed it was in the best interest of the family as a whole to have SS14 stay away for awhile yet. Therapist explained that SS14 is a troubled teen and has some things to work through and does need to take responsibility for his actions. Therapist stated that he needs to feel the consequences of his actions.

When our kids/skids don't do their homework, get bad grades, do something that warrants punishment, the standard is usually lose your cell phone for a week. Now, this behavior of SS occurred DUE to his cell phone usage. He isn't living in our home...he is living with grandma for a bit while we work through the situation. Grandma had SS14's cell phone at her house. DH said, "my mother will not give him his phone" So this morning, I look at our phone bill. I also check the kids' usage, as usual. SS14 has usage on his phone. Starting THURSDAY. The day DH and I went to see the therapist. Now, I sent DH a text message "why does SS14 has his phone?" DH didn't reply. This could be because he was sleeping (DH works night shift). So I look at the usage, and SS14 has been using data, and texts like crazy since getting his phone. Now, SS14 has had phone revoked for more than a week quite a few times in the past, depending on the seriousness of the behavior. In this instance, ABSOLUTELY IT REQUIRES MORE THAN A WEEK!!! I don't know that SS14 SHOULD EVER get the damn phone back! It is a privilege that his father and I pay for...and I have the right to revoke that privilege based on behavior at ANY TIME.

I am so livid! If DH gave SS14 his phone back, then he did so without even DISCUSSING it with me!!! If DH did NOT give SS14 his phone back, then MIL did!! MORE LIVID as this woman is constantly meddling and has NO RIGHT to decide when SS14 should have his phone back!!!

So I called our cell provider, and had SS14's phone put on temporary suspension. The phone is now UNUSABLE! The cost goes down to $10/month and I can keep it that way for up to 6 months. It was effective immediately. SS14 will have quite the surprise when he goes to use it and he can't. I'm not going to mention it again with DH. I will wait for DH to bring it up to me. He felt giving the kid his iphone back without discussing it with me was alright, well I think suspending his phone because I'm not paying for a selfish, unappreciative little asshole's cell phone. If DH doesn't like it, well too bad.

So much for the "I'm sorry for the way I have been lately, and for allowing this stuff to cause tension between us. I'm sorry I haven't been a very good husband, or the husband you deserve but I'm going to do my best from now on" storyline I got on Friday night!

Pissed off doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling right now!!!!!

hangingbyathread6's picture

Well we will see. If it was MIL then maybe, JUST MAYBE DH will FINALLY see the toxicity she throws into our relationship also!! That woman is a MAJOR bone of contention between us. I completely have disengaged from her. I only am cordial and polite when I have to be around her. Otherwise, I could care less what she does.

hangingbyathread6's picture

SO!!! Just got a response from DH. "He doesn't. That I know of." Which would mean either MIL gave it to him, which she HAS NO RIGHT TO DO without discussing it with us, OR SS14 just took it. Either way, the phone is suspended and it won't be turned back on for a LONG LONG time

momof5_1969's picture

We did the same thing with my youngest SD -- she was told she could have a phone, and we would pay for part of it, she pay $10 towards it (either in cash or chores equivalent), and could continue to keep it as long as she was getting good grades. We said As and Bs -- she ended the year with a D in a class. Totally unacceptable. So we put a hold on it and deactivated it -- told her when she brought her grades up she could have it back.

Wellllllllll, unbeknownst to us, she went out and purchased ANOTHER phone - one of those pay as you go -- and was using that. We're still paying for hers, paid for the frickin phone, and she did this.

When I figured out what she had done -- I didn't say anything to her, I just began calling the phone when she would be right next to me and would block my number. She had no idea I was doing it because my phone was in my pocket. I could see her grab her shirt or pants or wherever she had her phone, or she would go tearing out of the room all of a sudden. I did this quite a few times. THEN she realizes that I knew about the phone, and so she calls me down into her room and decides to "confess". haha I told her it's a bit late when you've already been caught. Only apologizing because you're caught. I took that phone and said we would talk more when her dad got home from work.

I of course gave him a heads up as to what had happened -- and we talked together (without her) as to what to do. We decided to let her keep the phone, but that she would have to pay the cancellation fee on the phone we gave her, which was about $200.

So a little while later, months later, after she's forgotten about what she did -- she then is complaining that it's like she is living on her own because she is paying for all of her stuff, which includes the phone. Well, dumbo, if you hadn't screwed yourself we would still be helping you!

She was such a whiner.

luchay's picture

Bright side - it wasn't your OH who gave it back - so he most likely really did mean what he said to you over the weekend!!~ Gotta find the positive.

As for your MIL. Have no words, she does know what the little snot did with his phone right?

Rags's picture

Suspend SS's #. If his number is attached to your account you can do that. My wife and I suspend different lines on our account depending on who is in the US. This reduces our bill and retains the numbers for all of the phones on our account. If your SS is not named on the account and you carry his phone only as an add-a-line then let him keep the physical phone and suspend his service. You should be able to do this any time his Cranio-Rectitis flares up.

Good luck.