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OMG! Fiancee may NOT BE baby daddy!!!!

dledden's picture

Since we are a blended family, I figured i'd post this here, wasn't really sure where it belonged but here goes:

From very early on in my relationship with my fiancee, based on info from his family, info about druggy bio mom, etc. I have suspected that he may NOT actually be bio-dad. However, he's convinced and has been from day one that ss8 is his bio son. Ok great....8 years go by.....ss8 has Autism, and with that, his neurologist ran a battery of DNA/Chromosome type labs, and a brain scan MRI. Apparently kids with Autism often report other genetic diseases, so they were looking for all kinds of genetic stuff. Turns out, ss8 has the trait for what's called 'autosomal dominant polycystic kidney disease'. Autosomal dominant means that it is passed down from a parent. If you were to google this disease, which i've done and read info from about every website I could find on the topic, you'll see that you pretty much get this disease from one of your bio parents. It's something that runs in families, and if you have PKD, you have a 50% chance of passing it on to your offspring. My FIANCEE has zero family history of any type of kidney disease, so the chances of him having it are about zero. I just contacted bio mom, who also told us that SHE has NO HISTORY of kidney disease in her family!!!!

See where i'm going with this? This is a GENETIC disease that runs in and is passed down through families. How can bio mom and supposed bio dad NOT have it?????? 90% of cases of this disease are passed down. There is a small percentage 10% or less, people who do not have a bio parent who has the disease, and it just somehow spontaneously mutates the gene on it's own. BUT, very rare!

We are waiting for a call from the children's hospital genetics dept. and also from the nephrology dept. and will see what happens. Obviously my fear is that bio mom and fiancee get checked, and neither has it, and genetics suggests to him that maybe he aint the daddy!!!! OR WORSE, they run paternity and TELL HIM he is in fact NOT the kid's father!!!!

Am I awful for wanting to know the TRUTH about his paternity of this child? Cuz I really wanna know if he's been duped by bio mom all these years???

dledden's picture

I'd LOVE for him to get a DNA test, but he refuses.....he is convinced he's the bio daddy, end of discussion!

countingdownthedays's picture

I don't think you're awful at all. All kids deserve to have truthful information abou their genetic heritage. I doubt that my DH is the biodad for my oldest SS and have been trying to convince him to get a paternity test. It really won't even matter legally because he's legally considered the putative father since he's raised him his whole life of 15 years.

Anyway, good luck with your case.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Why would anyone NOT want to know the truth of their geneology? I understand that as far as who your parents are, genetics doesn't matter, but I would want to know the genetic truth just for reasons like what your SS is dealing with...illness. What if his children become ill? Or his grandchildren? A family history could be the difference between a timely diagnosis and death.

Ommy's picture

I think that it is NECESSARY for everyone to know who their Bio parents are and the bio parents health history. I get that not all bio parents are "parents" but who cares if a kid gets raised by a "stand in" parent and not the bio. All that matters is that the child receives love from the parent figures in their life. However health wise it is necessary for a person to know.

Ommy's picture

Also this is why I believe that when a child is born there should be a DNA test done before ANY "FATHERS" name gets put on the birth certificate.

dledden's picture

that would be the IDEAL situation, can you imagine how many people out there are not bio parents who think they are? i'll bet there's a whole lot!!!

Jsmom's picture

You should do the DNA test or at the very least a blood test to determine if they are related. Polycystic kidney disease is going to be a big problem as he gets older. He may need a transplant and if he is not the father, than he needs to figure out who is...My late husband had three transplants and I know this area of medicine all too well.

dledden's picture

If Fiancee isn't the bio dad, I guarantee you we're never finding out who is....biomom's a drug addict. God knows how many men she may have slept with to get drugs or while on drugs.....all we know at this point is that ss8 has the gene. Neurology dept. who ordered the tests seemed VERY surprised that we didn't already know this. so, they sent a referral to nephrology and genetics depts. just waiting for their phonecall to get on the schedule for an appt. I would assume the genetics dept. will wanna screen mom and dad, but i'm not sure....

dledden's picture

in this particular disease, from what i've read, i'm no doctor,....but if you are born with the mutated gene, you develop the disease. most people who have it know they have it or have a high likelihood of having it because half their family has it. in this case, NOBODY seems to have it that they know of, nobody has it in their family, so how's it possible that ss8 has it? this is why I strongly question fiancee's paternity of this child.

simifan's picture

I would ask Fiance to get tested after all he could pass it on to one of your future children.

Perhaps it is time to bring up the DNA test again with the new evidence. But he's probably legally dad now anyways.