NOW I get why the skids make me bitter
Ok, technically they're not my skids. But lately I've noticed that I just get angry when I see their little goofy smiling faces when they've done nothing wrong. It's because I am the one who is wasting time, energy, and happiness listening to bf drone on about their mom, who is causing him ALL kinds of problems. It's worse now because court date is coming up, but O.M.G. I'm tired of talking about it! And I'm sorry but don't make things miserable for me, wanting to go choke the life out of your exw, and then prance your kids in front of me and expect me to get all excited! It's to the point where I don't want them coming over when he has them. I already have my kids 24/7 (literally...I homeschool), I run a business, I drive my kids where they need to be, I listen to my bf (most of the time) and I'm just DONE at some point. Something's got to give, and I'm thinking not dealing with his drama is a good place to start. Yeah, I know. Like that's gonna happen!
No it can happen. You have
No it can happen. You have every right not to have to listen to anything considering the ex. He made the choice to marry her and reproduce with her not you.
I despise my dh's ex - and I've never met her!!!! I know way too much about her. I thought that was just a normal part of sharing our lives to discuss some of what happened with his kids, etc. Wrong - for me at least. Sounds like for you too.
It's really kind of silly that I know so much about a person that I've never met that I hate her guts. So I've pretty much banned DH from discussing her with me. Now every month or two there is some reason for her name to be mentioned in a sentence that has to do with the present but we do not "discuss" her.
Conversations about what she did and is doing just have no place in our lives.
SS24 is the product of ONS almost 10 years after their divorce. I've told DH that I cannot look at him without thinking he is the product of their unbridled sexual attraction. They just were like animals who had to f&^* with no birth control to produce crotch dropping #2. (#1 was produced from a ONS when they were teens). I said "Everytime I look at SS24 I see proof that you two could not keep your hands off each other." Not my finest moment (said in anger) but actually I am glad I said it. It hovers there in my mind so he should know why it bothers me. That's communication too.
He swears that he has no sexual attraction to her now (which I probably believe as she looks like a warthog now)but he is not ever allowed to be alone with her for even 2 minutes if he wants to keep me in his life. I would not feel the need to be so militant (and paranoid) about this if I didn't know every detail of their history.
You have every right to put forth what is bothering you and for you two to negotiate reasonable accomodations for both of you. (unlike me who just demanded what he was not to do).
I have learned through
I have learned through experience not to keep feelings inside/hidden so I do tell him when I've had enough. And he totally understands. We will avoid the topic for a while, and then she will do something else and then it comes up again. So it will have to be up to me to stop the conversation or to limit what he can vent to me about. I mean, the things are ongoing, so I don't want him to turn somewhere else for a shoulder, but he doesn't understand what it does to me as far as his children. One of the problems is that bm treats the girls like babies and that's what they act like...which I can't stand (and he knows this). So it's a constant reminder in my face of what an idiot the bm is. He is one of those dads who thinks everyone should/will love his kids as much as he does. I flat out told him one time, "You know, people don't think things that other people's kids do are all cute like you look at your own kids, right?" I'm sure that when he was married, he and exw could oohh and ahhh over the adorableness of their kids, but that ain't happenin anymore.
Oh, and talk about Karma! His exw was pretty at one time. Her bitterness is eating her up. I guess kicking him out and trying to take the kids from him didn't work and she can't stand it. I LOVE that part. She is quite a bit younger than me and she not only looks older, she looks tore up. I guess that's what pisses me off...the fear that my bitterness at bf dragging me through their mess is going to make me ugly, too! GASP! LOL