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Not sure what to think…...opinions please

EPMom's picture

I’ll try for the readers digest version. Patience please….

Newly blended family. We have myself and hubby (I am diagnosed adhd, he is not but has all classic symptoms), and our 4 children (2 are his - one diagnosed with adhd and the other is not, but like her father has all the classic symptoms), the other two are mine and both - like myself have been diagnosed with adhd. My two are medicated and is working very well. I was medicated for two years and chose to go off them as they weren’t helping as much as they were in the beginning. Only his daughter lives with us (she is 14) and is for the most part a really good kid. His son decided to stay with thier mom. My youngest lives with us (he is 9) and can be a real handful most days (even before the “blend” took place), but he is also very sensitive and has a really big heart. My oldest who is 14 decided not stay with his dad but is with us EOW and when ever he wants in between.

So, there’s a bit of history. My issue is….my 9 yr old is a really fussy eater. He tires of the same foods quickly (as do I). He’s leery of different textures and tastes. If he doesn’t like the feel of it on his tongue or the taste of it, he will not eat. I’ve seen him miss a lot of meals because he won’t eat. My hubby is of the belief that if he refuses to eat (no matter the reason), it’s his loss. Hubby doesn’t care if my son passes out from hunger. His outlook is “if he’s hungry enough, he’ll eat what’s put in front of him”. That is how hubby was raised (and he raises his kids the same way). Me on the other hand, I was raised quite differently. I was a picky eater as well and my parents would jump through hoops to find soemthing I would actually eat. NOW, I will say, I’m not that lienient with my son. He has to atleast try a few bites if it’s a new food before deciding if he likes it or not. I was of the belief that if he won’t eat, he can do without. However lately I’m starting to feel guilty about not making him something else. Reason being is becasue I have noticed that like me, my son gets really shakey if he doesn’t eat. I know what that feels like and it’s sucks! My hubby feels that if I let him have something else in place of what has been put in front of him (I have to clarify that this is not nightly), I’m letting my son call the shots. I don’t agree. He’s not asking for something else, he’s just refusing to eat. Any suggestion on how to handle this????

my.kids.mom's picture

True ADHD is actually very rare. So many in one family? No. My bets are on the diet. Most hyperactivity is caused by poor diet and food choices. I would look long and hard at the kids on meds who might be fine by changing what they eat/drink.

Regarding being a picky eater, kids WILL eat when they are hungry enough. I believe picky eaters are not born, they are created. When they are coddled or babied and given a way out of a new food or texture instead of having to try/eat it, they learn there is a way out. When my kids were toddlers, I would always put a new food or a "not liked yet" food with other foods they LOVED. I would put one bite of each food. For example, if they love mac n cheese, but not sure about asparagus, put a bite of meat, mac n cheese, and asparagus on the plate. They have to clean the plate if they want more mac n cheese. Do that over and over, bringing the questionable food out again and again. Eventually it will become a "normal" food. Also, the parents have to eat the same food as the kid. The problem there is that we either don't eat well ourselves and/or our diets are so limited to certain kinds of foods or vegetables that it limits our children's experiences with new foods.

With an older child who is even pickier than a toddler, you can do the same thing, and offer "dessert" with dinner. But dessert is a piece of fruit, such as a cut up orange. They can eat their bite of each food offered, and then the whole orange. You know they aren't going to bed hungry, and they are still experiencing the new food.

Do not EVER make a kid something different because they are picky. And stop feeling guilty about it! As a matter of fact, when you go out to eat, don't even let your kid order off the kid's menu. That is where parents run into problems. They let their kid eat the crap off the kid's menu. Adult meals are way too big...share some of yours. My 9 yr old would kill for a plate of steak and veggies. Screw the chicken fingers!

Regarding Boost, do NOT go down that path. And if you are using it, have you read the ingredients? Second ingredient after water...SUGAR. Third ingredient...CORN SYRUP. And then...vegetable oil. The top three worst ingredients for growing bodies. You would be better off concocting your own "shake" at home. I would use raw milk, but I know that's not normal for mainstream folk. So use organic whole milk, or 2% milk with some olive oil added and use either Ovaltine or no-sugar cocoa. You can use almond oil for flavoring as well. There are other protein powders out there MUCH healthier and you can flavor it up to your liking.

capt_lou's picture

This is B.S. Do you run a house or a diner?

is there a menu that your kids dictate what they want that night and if they don't like it they can just send it back to the cook?

dlibyd's picture

I have to chime in with a dissenting opinion. There are some kids who may be picky eaters because they are trying to control, or are just going through a temporary phase. However, there are some who truly have sensory issues associated with food tastes and/or textures, and/or a true inborn fear of trying new foods. Some kids will never grow out of being picky eaters. Take a peak at http://www.pickyeatingadults.com/ and you will see that for many people, that is just they way they were wired from birth, and no amount of force feeding or making them sit at the table until they've eaten their vegetables is going to change them. In fact, such strategies will only make things worse and lead to trust issues.

My suggestion is to teach the child to cook or prepare a sandwich or whatever, so that if they don't like what is being served, they can make something for themselves. This might eliminate the idea of controlling their parent or getting special treatment. Chances are if that is their only issue, they will in fact simply grow out of it.

Everyone has stuff's picture

I agree with the hubby, if you are going to cook a meal everyone in the home should eat it. If you know it's something that he will not like make sure there is something in the meal he will like and he can eat it. I have had friends where all their kids would eat was chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese, they would go to the day care daily to give their child the only food they would eat. My fiance bought chicken nuggets everyday for a full year bc thats all his daughter claimed to want, then I came along and told him she will eat what you give her... Kids will eventually get hungry enough to realize they are just being brats. If he can use the excuse of texture and being ADHD for everything through life he will learn thats what works and continue to use the excuse. If you have 4 different things on his plate and 2 out of the 4 things he likes but still uses the excuses then he's just pushing you to see how far he can go. Kids need to know they are children and one day they will be old enough and wise enough to make choices until then God gave them you to make them grow up and become good people and that includes eating things they may not like...

buterfly_2011's picture

I have two kids. And both have different tastes and different likes. I have for the past 18 years been a mother who will make what ever. So if my daughter wants potatoes and corn and my son wants burritos. I do both. I have never minded that. I guess it depends on who you are. Doesn't make you a good or bad parent it just depends on what you are willing to do. BUT there are those kids that will use that to their advantage. My kids rarely did it but when they did I didn't mind. I just wanted them to eat.
My parents forced me to eat corn growing up. I still to this day gag every time I smell it.