Hi, 

This is my first post. I have read forums, but never commented or posted. A bit of background here...I have 4 children (24,22,18,17) with my late husband. My BF has 3 (13, 12,8) with ex wife. BF and I have 1 together. 8 children all together. 6 children live with us. We have lived together for 4 years. We have had multiple talks before we moved in about how it is going to be...such as rules, expectations, etc. BF has primary custody, Mon-Fri they are here and most of the summer. They go to their Moms Friday evening-Sunday evening. 

I said from the get go that I am not comfortable raising his 3. They have a mother. I didn't want to discipline or be responsible for them...other than the obvious safety issues or when BF wasn't there. 

We move in together and after the initial adjustment period...all that went out the window! I even quit my job to stay home with the kids because all 6 of them needed security. 

My kids are respectful to my BF...they basically leave everyone alone.  They are older so it's ok. BF doesn't push them to do stuff. Basically the 2 older ones are like roommate's....and it works. No drama. I take care of everything for my kids. Dr appointments, school, clothes shopping etc. I do this because I am their parent and I don't expect anyone else to take care of them. I thought this is the general way of life...you have children YOU take care of them

Now on to his kids. Constant lying for all of them. We are talking lying about brushing teeth, taking meds, wearing clean underwear etc. I had to micro manage them because they would lie about everything! BF was just taking their word on everything. Finally after 4 years, the 2 girls have stopped lying so much, thanks to me. The boy (13) is a whole other story. I honestly don't want to be in the same room as him. I won't go anywhere if hes going. I have talked to BF about getting him counseling, but he won't due to BM. If he takes him to counseling then BM has to be included and then it is pointless. 

Now, onto BM. There is no  communication between these two at all and BM just goes about doing things with the kids...important things like Dr appointments, school projects/meetings with teachers etc. She doesn't tell him about it till afterwards. She is causing drama with that almost every time she has the kids. She tells the kids things that she shouldn't and is not even true. She had the boy believing she can't afford the apartment and had to move in with a friend because of her paying child support, and blamed BF. Which is not true because she makes double what we do combined. There are other stuff too but this is long enough as it is

It is now 4 years later and this week was like the straw that broke the camels back. BF gets the kids every other holiday.  He was to get them last evening for July 4th. She texts him at 630 and said her car broke down and shes has to get it towed. Pick up time was 7...and she was in a town thats 45 minutes away. Long story short, BF looked at me and said if she isn't back by 830 then I have to pick up the kids. He didn't ask me, just told me.

I flipped out. I was so angry for a lot of different reasons but the main one was, he knows I HATE picking up and dropping off the kids. It is so bad even his own mother refuses to do it. I only do it in an emergency. Now, I would have done it, I was pissed but I still would have done it. I didnt like how he told me, not asked. He gets mad at me and we have a huge argument. He said he shouldn't have to ask and it shouldn't of been an issue at all. So he goes and tells her that he will get them after work today. And I've been treated like shit since. He blames me.

Then to top it all off...the girls come back with their hair cut to above the shoulders!!! BF has been growing their hair out long for over a year now and has told BM NOT to get it cut. 

I'm just done and I don't know what to do. I know this is a long post and if you made it this far, thank you. I needed to get it out. There is so much more...4 years worth...

When my husband died I was a young widow. I was 35. That was 7 years ago. I changed for the better. I appreciate people more, I want to be peaceful....but these past 4 years have been anything but that