Newbie looking of refuge.
Hi all. I'm brand new and thankful such a forum exists. I have 2 boys (5 & 9) and my SO has a son (4). We have been living together for about a year and a half.
I'm struggling, a lot. I have always had a great relationship with my own boys. I was a stay at home mom and I just tried so hard to be the best mom, while raising well behaved little boys. The Pinterest mom that everyone hates, ya know!? I loved it and don't regret being that mom while I was able to. I've done a pretty good job, if I do say so myself!
But now, it's another story all together. I feel like I'm getting dragged under by this new life. My SO's ex is a psycho (OMG, I could tell stories that would make you :jawdrop: !) and that has been beyond exhausting. SO has been a door mat (UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR) to her as long as I've been with him. His kid doesn't listen. He's not BAD (as he's quite young) but it's going that direction for sure. I can see it a mile away.
Parenting is work. You have to pay attention and not let them win the power struggles and annoying as hell battles, as little as they seem at the time. He, unfortunately, does not pay attention enough, or maybe he just doesn't care...I don't know anymore. I had a huge paragraph written up, but lets just say the kid annoys the heck out of me. Whining. Lying. Hands on behaviour constantly. Manipulating (his mother's traits for sure). This week I saw aggression that was concerning. Lack of listening, refusing to help clean his messes, but eager to tattle if someone else stops. He's so loud ALL THE TIME to the point of me wanting to just leave the house all together. Do you know how often I go online and look at hotels in the area???! I know all of that can be normal in a young child, but I'm not new to that age. I've done it twice. It hard as hell, I know. It's just consistency in parenting and discipline.
My kids aren't roses. They can all be jerks sometimes for sure. I just have high expectations for my kids and it's so frustrating when the other one doesn't have the same expectations to follow the house rules. It's is a sensitive spot in our relationship and I find myself just wanting to leave because it's just too frustrating to stay. I have told him straight up that I'm not in this relationship for his kid. We've been honest about it and our struggles. I mean, they won't be living with us forever but frig, it's going to be one hell of a long ride at this rate.
The mother has no parenting skills. She frequently ditches the child to my SO's mother, who is a Grandma with no rules or boundaries. So you can imagine what it's like getting back a kid who has just spent a chunk of time as the boss of the house with no rules. My boys are ending up 1. cleaning up his mess when he leaves because their bedroom is the main play area 2. ending up with a frustrated mum. This has all affected MY parenting towards MY children because there's just so much conflict and bad vibes here.
I mean, I love the guy to death. And we would be an amazing couple in a different life for sure. But is it possible for the relationship to work with this non-stop conflict? With that being said, I don't even know what the future holds for his kid and custody, as the mom is a deadbeat and I wouldn't doubt if we ended up with him full time. Full time. Imagine having Caillou on full blast all waking hours, amplified by 10.
I kind of feel like I'm expected to take on the mom role to his kid and I don't want to. I don't know if my feelings are because of his behaviour or because of the ugly, bitter feelings I have for his mom (or maybe all of it together)... It was just so much easier when I was on my own. I don't think I expected that.
This is so scatterbrained, and I apologize.