New House, Same Ol' Issues.
Hi All! I'm new. Here's some background:
I'm 34, DH is 48. Two skids (SS14 and SD7), two BMs. We dated 6 years, married 1 1/2. We are NC, we get SS EOW, and SD when her mom feels like it, usually a couple hours a couple times a week. She never spends the night and her mom doesn't encourage her to (all of this is my DH's fault, I'm aware). I try to detach, sometimes successfully, sometimes not successfully.
Hubs and I moved back from Florida to Ohio in November, the skids live here and he was traveling back EOW to see them. That shiz got really old and we moved back to be closer to the skids. My family lives in Ohio too, so...I'm only a little bitter. We are currently staying in a house that ha only two bedrooms, so SD uses that as an excuse not to stay over (and her Dad and Mom never pushed her to stay, even when I planned a kick ass family room camping adventure so she wouldn't have to sleep alone).
We finally found an ideal fixer upper on two and half acres and we close on it tomorrow(!). Now each skid has their own bedroom.
BM blocked hubs and I on SS's cell for two months. We haven't seen him in a month. He says his mother monitors his cell bill (which I'm sure is true) and he couldn't contact his dad, but come on. There's a million ways he could have contacted his dad. He's supposed to come with us this weekend to my fam's reunion in the beautiful mountains of PA, but he's complaining about not wanting to come now. I frankly don't care if he does or not. My life is way easier without him, even though I like him tons and he's a good kid.
SO the issue is this: The kids and I had made plans to decorate their rooms, but I have a hard time wanting to do favors for kids that don't want to be at our house. It would fall TO ME to decorate, not their father or them (cause they're never here) of course. I don't want my house looking like shit, but I'm having trouble not being angry about this. I thought we would all be doing this together (stupid stepmom dream bubble burst) as a family, but it's obvious I would be decorating their rooms alone.
I know I can incorporate some of the design techniques they both wanted to make the rooms look cool and not too kid like without too much stress.
Or I can do what I want, not like they'll ever be here, but my husband would be a little hurt.
Or I can do EXACTLY what they want, and maybe they will be over more often, but I'm sure I will be resentful some too.
What do you all think? And I'm so so so glad to be here!
Wow, you're so kind. We are
Wow, you're so kind. We are thinking of getting a bigger house together and i cringe at the idea of two bedrooms dedicated solely to my SKIDs as that means 2 filthy rooms in our new house so I've convinced my partner that if we move the skids will share a room like they currently for as long as possible.
I would be celebrating if they didn't want to be part of our new house because that means I wouldn't have stupidly themed rooms - just really cool neutral guest bedrooms. I wish I had your kind heart!!
Marie, the skids furniture is
Marie, the skids furniture is all stuff we already own. I guess I was talking more paint colors and personalized art that they like.
You all are so right. I will make super nice guest rooms out of the stuff we already have. Def not the orange accents (SS) or a Tiffany blue accent wall (what seven year old knows about Tiffany, criminy).
I really like my skids, actually, but their scheds are so erratic and their BMs just make everything at our house so negative for the kids (neither one can show me any affection in public or tell their mums about the good times we have, even though we all really get along well and kind of love each other).
Thanks for the responses, folks.
Don't put any effort into a
Don't put any effort into a room, that a SK will not use. If circumstances change, painting is easy. But in the meantime, do what you want. Real Estate sq footage costs money. They don't deserve the money spent until they show you they want to be there.