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New and reassured, yet still feel guilty and confused..

Happymum81's picture

Here I was thinking I was the only one who sometimes felt like they didn't fit in with their stepkids.. I feel reassured to have found this forum & know that I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings..

I have 3 stepkids, whom have now been in my life 4 years this October.. They are aged 11, 7 1/2 and 9. They live with us 50/50 (used to be week on/week off) until we decided to go term on/term off this year (they visit the alternate parent every other 2nd weekend Fri-Mon) My eldest stepson just moved back with his Mum full time and now visits us every other weekend as he has never waivered in his opinion of living with her in 6 years.

I just dont feel like I relate to these kids.. initially, our relationship was fine.. we would get along and it felt like a normal family, but as they have grown, I feel they are less and less like 'our children' and more and more like 'her children'. She seems to have had such a massive influence on them and their behaviour (and her behaviour is shocking no end.. ) they act babyish, sooky and very immature for their ages. My bio son is 6 and he acts older than them and can hold a conversation, yet I can't seem to communicate with my Sk's at all.

We are expecting our first child together in 7 weeks and I feel terrible as sometimes I hope above all, he doesn't turn out like either of my two stepson's.. Thats such a terrible, terrible thing to think im sure..

I wish I could forge a relationship with them I really do and I feel like I begin to try and then something happens and Im just over it again. I dont want to leave their Dad, I love him a lot and he is great with my Son who lives with us all the time and im sure he is going to be a wonderful dad with our new baby. I know he feels powerless with his own children and Im sure he doesnt even have the greatest bond with them anymore, which is sad.. cause they are still his kids. He hasn't spoken to their Mother in 3 years, thats always my job.. ugh I just could go on and on and on..

But reading others stories, I dont feel as bad.. Sad

caregiver1127's picture


Your children will be different because they do not have the BM in your life as their influence - it seems most of these skids are just whacked and the BM is the reason - you and your DH will be together raising your son and your child together so there will be no conflict from someone who hates your DH.