Need to vent...UGH
So SS12 has come to live with us. Bio mom decided she didnt want him in the home anymore. DH and I have daughter 13 and son 8 already in the home. It's been a week and I already want to scream. SS is being an a$$hole. DH works Tuesday nights so I am here to hold down the fort. It has taken all I have not to just rip into him. I learned from other SS17 that DH does discipline. SS is rude, goes through everyone's stuff, constantly argues with everyone. It seems like he wants to piss people off. One thing that can drive me crazy is having bad table manners. When we are eating at the table together the other children know what is expected. We have explained to SS what we expect at the table. He has done well up until now. Tonight he made it a point to be a jerk. I did let him know that is not acceptable. Maybe he is challenging me and if he is that will not be a good idea. DH has made it clear to SS that we are a team. School starts in a few days so I am hoping things change. I dont want to be in a situation where I hate him and can't be around him. Tomorrow DH and I will sit down with him and have a conversation. We will see where that goes.
I'd lay down the law heavy
I'd lay down the law heavy and hard immediately. I know there are people who will tell you not to keep SS when DH isn't there, but I realize that may not be realistic--life can't always be clean cut like that...altho certainly it would be better if his mom kept him or someone else who was paid for their time.
Going thru other people's things: I'd go thru HIS stuff. Call him out on every single embarrassing thing you find. Skid-mark undies? Spoo sock? Whatever--take a pic with his phone and send to his friends.
Acting like an ass at the table--he gets to LEAVE the table. Immediately. He can eat outside on a paper plate if he can't eat with the family and behave. Or don't eat. *shrug*
Take away those things that mean most to him when he is rude. Gamer? Take away his xbox/computer/internet access/phone/whatever. Skater? Confiscate the board. Can't leave his room without a ball cap? Ball caps disappear.
sueu, I really wish you'd
sueu, I really wish you'd posted the ODD link sooner. It's so much more informative that what was relayed to me second hand. It also explained the odd questionnaires we got asking for moderate - severe. I really wish we had a catalogue of links, so much helpful information gets lost.
No flaming from me, Madam.
No flaming from me, Madam. You are spot on. They'll either end up trying to f**k each other or murder each other. Possibly both.
To the OP--unless you and your DH present a very solid, united front starting yesterday, you are weeks if not days away from open warfare in your home. Good luck. You're going to need it.
Bring escalating
Bring escalating consequences.