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schooltch6's picture

Hello! I am hoping to get some good advice today as I am dealing with an issue tonite and could use some support!

Background: I got divorced 6 years ago and my ex and I had 2 children they are currently 7 and 9. 1 year ago I got remarried to a man who has full custody of 2 children also 7 and 9. (Its like having 2 sets of twins!) When we got divorced we got joint custody and I was/am residential custodian. After two years my ex stopped paying child support and 2 months ago sent me an e-mail saying after 9 years he doens't think the kids are his and wants a DNA test! (Left field) He said that until he got a DNA test he wasn't going to see them. I began a court process to gain sole custody and back payment of child support (and did the DNA surprise to me they're his) but he still has not seen his kids.

Today: My ex's parents flew in from California (they are good people) to talk to him about how he is hurting his relationship with his kids. They are staying at a hotel in the area, and my ex is staying with them for the 3 days they are here. Tonite is my daughters (biological) dance recital and I just found out that my ex and his parents are going to try and buy tickets and go. I am very nervous. My kids havent seen him in 2 months, they are now going to see him in the midst of me and my new family, my parents, my new husbands parents, and his parents. It feels very awkward and I am so nervous.

I am worried about 2 things
1.) what if he treats them differently? I know he is only going to this recital because his parents are in town and making him go.
2.) What if he treats them like nothing is wrong and makes false promises. ("im going to start seeing you again." "We are going to spend more time together") because he wants to do right by his parents and then when they leave we fall right back into not seeing them, and they are crushed all over again.

I don't want my kids to get hurt, I don't know how to act or what to say and I'm just hoping someone out there can offer some support and guidance. Thanks.

NancyL's picture

Go with the flow and have a leap of faith. It’s a step in the right direction, the kds need to see their dad and their grandparents.

Jsmom's picture

I agree, it probably won't be that bad. Your kids need to have a relationship with all parties. Personally I think the stepgrandparents are too much this early in the game, but that is me. If they have a relationship with your bios that is great.

As a product of divorce and two parents that can not be in the same room together, just be cordial to him no matter what happens. Your kids will remember this situation. Just play it down for them and remember that his parents just want to see him do the right thing. Chances are everyone will be on their best behavior.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.