I feel very fortunate to find this site. I have needed to find a place of understanding, a place to show me I am not crazy. Please help me in my situation as it stands. I am seriously thinking of leaving my husband because it seems our only arguments stem from his evil ex-wife and his spoiled daughter. I guess I should first explain the situation from the beginning.
For understanding lets call my husband E and his ex-wife K.
I met E thru some mutual friends 10 years ago. He lived on the East Coast and I on the West. We met via the phone and computer, not face to face. I had just gone thru a nasty divorce with an abusive man. I have 2 children from that marriage, BS13 and BD17. I was NOT looking to get into another relationship. E and I became great friends, talked everyday and shared many things in common. I knew he had 1 child (a daughter 6) but not a whole lot more about his personal life, aside from what he did for a living. I often asked if he had a wife, GF or someone in his life, but never got a straight answer. About a year into us knowing each other I started developing some serious feelings towards him. I also felt the feelings were mutual so being the straight forward person that I am I sent him a long email explaining that I was in love with him, and asked him if he felt the same way. We had still not seen each other face to face. He responded with an email saying “things are not as they seem. I will explain later. Then the communication ceased. I attempted to call him, but he never answered the phone. After the hurt, I moved on. Then a year and a half later I received a call from E stating that he was in my neck of the woods for work. After disbelief I asked him if he wanted to meet and have dinner, to which he said yes. We went to dinner, which was very platonic; I even paid for my portion of the meal. During the week that he was in town, we saw each other every night (going to dinner then him coming back to my house to watch movies) and everyday as he came to take me to lunch. This was still very platonic as we didn’t even hug goodbye. Then on the last night we kissed goodbye and I told him that my feelings were still there, the same place they had been a year and a half ago. He cried, I cried and he left. Once he returned home we started talking again. It was then that he informed me that he was married. He stated that he and his wife (K) were in separate rooms and that she had been cheating on him. He stated that he had found this out when we started talking a year and a half prior and when I told him how I felt he had to make a decision to try to work it out or leave. He decided to try to work it out which is why he stopped talking to me. I politely told him that I would not be a home wreaker and that he needed to do what he could to save his marriage. I gave him some names of some books to read and suggested counseling and removed myself from the picture. About 2 weeks later he called me stating that he told K that we had kissed, and that he wanted to try to work past her infidelity and his(the kiss) and suggested counseling. He informed me that she refused counseling and that it was really for the best because I had shown him how he wanted to be treated and loved, which she was unwilling to do. He stated that they were HS sweethearts and virgins when they met. They had been married for 11 years of which the last 4 she cheated on him. He explained that the marriage was initially one of convenience for her to get away from her mother, and for him to have the family he never had growing up. Anyway……….He stated that he wanted a divorce, that it had nothing to do with me, (it had been a long time coming) and if he and I could start seeing each other. I informed him that I wouldn’t have anything to do with him while they still lived together. They separated, he moved out and made plans to come and spend 2 weeks with me. Those 2 weeks were amazing and we were madly in love. We decided right then that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We talked about the best way to go about his divorce and him moving to the West coast. Then………….I was told that K was pregnant. To make a long story short, he slept with her for the last time the day before he came to see me. Once his son (I'm not really certain about that one) was born I decided that he needed to be a father to his children and they needed to have him in their lives on a regular base, not from 3000+ miles away. Since I had full custody of my kids we decided that I would move there. He had left her everything in the house so I packed up a UHaul and we drove cross country to start a new life. After getting there I was informed that neither K nor his daughter knew about us, so they could not come to the house. His son was 3 months at the time. So he would go to her house and see the kids a couple days a week. This of course got old after a few months and I told him it was unacceptable. He then started bringing the kids to the house for the weekend every other weekend. Now, let me sidestep and explain something. He has paid her CS (2000) every month since he left. This was done without a court order as they had not filed for divorce as of yet. He is a good father and very responsible in that manner. He gave her more than what the courts would have probably demanded. She was also seeing someone now. Ok, so we get divorce papers one day from her lawyer demanding he pay her 3000 per month or she take him to court stating that he is committing adultery. E had not yet retained a lawyer so I set him up with a friend of mine who is an attorney. To try to make this long story a lil shorter, I pushed for the divorce, did all the paperwork the lawyer needed myself, and paid for most of the attorney fees for this looooooooong drawn out divorce (it took 3 years from the time I moved here). In the meantime, I am taking care of my BS and BD as well as my SD and SS, buying them clothes, taking them to the park, all the things that a mother does. I have gotten up in the middle of the night to give my SS a bottle and change him, as if he was my BS, and he has grown up calling me mommie. Now, during the divorce he decides to take on all marital debt (without discussing with me) so K can have a fresh start for his children. We married 5 moths after his divorce is final. That was over 2 years ago. He has still not paid off his marital debt and we can not get a house because of it. She has now had 2 homes.
So here we are today. K manipulates him with the children. She goes out of her way to make our lives HELL. I will give you just one example of many. K has asked us to get my SS (now 5) every other Wednesday night so she and my SD can go get their hair done. The understanding is that we have a commitment that night and she is to pick my SS up from where we are on her way home. This one night she said she was stuck in traffic and couldn’t get to us in time. We end up meeting her 3 minutes from her house to do the exchange. AT this time I notice my SD is not with her. I told E that I bet she lied and had been home the entire time, which way why my SD was not wit her. In the meantime my son had been injured playing sports and I needed to hurry home to see if he was ok. E told me she would not do that and that my SD probably did not go with her that night. When we picked up my SK that Friday night I noticed that my SD hair was done. Aside from the kids I asked E about this in which he told me she was dropped off at home first. By the way, I ended up having to take my son to the ER due to the severity of his injury. I was soooooooooooooo angry. It is like this EVERY OTHER weekend that we get the kids. She always seems to manipulate her way with E in some way or another and has now taught my SD (15) how to do the same
Now I am at my last straw. My SD posted on her website that I am a stalker (she puts inappropriate pictures of herself up and I let her father know) and that she “doesn’t know where she (me) came from, but she wishes I would go back there”. This is the same girl that I take shopping, that calls me to take her to sports practice when her parents are unavailable to do it, and that I talked to about her menstruation because her mother wouldn’t. When I brought this to my husbands attention he asked his ex to address it (which she tells him is his responsibility and she doesn’t care, but ends up telling her to apologize). SD sends me a BS apology online. Since then we have gotten my SK, and my SD has not said 2 words to me. I refused to go with E to take them home. I was then told that K needed us to keep the kids an extra 2 days this coming week. I then sent him this email….

I just wanted to show you SD "apology", as you had asked about it this last weekend. No she didn't talk to me all weekend nor tell me goodbye when she left. I don't care if you keep the kids thru Tuesday as long as you are in town and can take them to and from school. I would also suggest you make sure that you get a bag packed for SD from now on as the clothes have bought him are all getting too small. Besides, this way we can keep them right in the bag that they came in and don't have to worry about BS keeping track of anything. Anyway, here is the “apology”.......look just wanted to apologize for being disrespectful in anyway..... didn’t mean for it to be like that but i guess it was. i realize that sometimes being funny to one person may hurt another and for that i am sry didnt think it could be seen but i guess so. this is the reason why i blocked u off my site because i didnt want to disrespect you anymore so yeah SORRY~SD~
Anyway, I couldn't respond back to her because she has it set up that I can't. It was probably a good thing anyway. BTW, did you see she blocked you off as well? Anyway, I hope you have a good day Love ya, Me

E’s response…
My main concern is to remove the tension in my house. We all will be talking this weekend. But I need to know what you need to be the mother again. You are mom but this last incident has created tension that I want to start the healing process. This will allow you to feel better about being the mom of the house. I need to know what are the steps required to heal the family.

My response…..
First of all, I AM the mom of the house. I do not need anyone to validate that, let alone a child, her aunt, her mother, or anyone else. The issues that stand have always been there. This is nothing new. The new thing about it is it can only upset me if chose to let it. That is a choice I am no longer making. I will not allow anyone to make me upset or unhappy any longer. If no one else has a problem with the way SD acts, pictures she puts up, or the way she carries herself, it is out of my hands. As you said, it is probably best that she has taken me off her site. So I say that to say this. I don't know of "steps" that can be taken to "heal the family" as it stands. Sometimes things are just as they are, or maybe even should be. Second, I had no tension towards SD this last weekend. I will do what I do as the responsible "mom" in the house as I always have done. This doesn't change. The only thing that changes is what I allow myself to be upset by. At this point, I choose not to let anything in regard to SD or K upset me any further. As for us, that is something that we should be discussing at some point. The fight in October, the fight earlier this moth, none of that goes away by just turning away from it and acting like it didn't happen. So maybe at some point we can talk about the situations leading up to them as well as the fights themselves. I am putting this ball in your court. As you have said to me before, everyone has a point of self preservation, a point where they try to cause the least pain to themselves. I am just trying to preserve self without causing anyone else pain in the process. I love you and I married you to be and us. I stand by our vows and "the story of us".
As of yet I have gotten no response. I am tired of this woman (K) and my SD coming off as the saints and me as the bad person. I am tired of fighting about them and it ruining my marriage. I am tired of always feeling like the one left out in my own household. I am tired of feeling like K gets all the luxury’s while I get all the responsibilities. I am tired and done and tired of being done. I know this is very long (and I really left so much out) but anyone taking the time to read this and respond I would appreciate so much. I am really ready to walk away because I am a very loving and caring person and I feel like I may lose that in having to pull myself away from this craziness.

Help!!!!